Published August 19, 2011
Seizures of color, explosions of light,
celestial shrapnel rains from the sky,
bursting and shattering the tranquil night.
Rebellious sparks attaining great height,
never unnoticed by those who pass by,
seizures of color, explosions of light.
They're surging past stars to burn just as bright,
shooting on upwards until they can fly,
bursting and shattering the tranquil night.
Though abnormal sounds may cause some to fright,
others will rejoice, laughing as they cry
seizures of color, explosions of light.
Flames don't permit hope to drift beyond sight,
break constellations no matter how high,
bursting and shattering the tranquil night.
When the urge takes you, envelopes your fight,
don't be afraid of upsetting the sky,
seizures of color, explosions of light,
bursting and shattering the tranquil night.
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138,958 Literary Works • 672,362 Reviews
This was really good! You did a really good job setting up an image in my head, and nice choice of words!
The flow didn't really...flow...I guess. It still was really good, it just sounded a bit choppy, no offense.
It was a really good poem and I enjoyed reading it!
Keep writing!
I did definitely like your descriptions, but I actually kind of didn't like the fact that it was the same kind of rhyme over and over (ie. rhyming with light through all the lines). All the same, this may just be my taste, and generally this was still a really nice piece.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Hello!
Amazing poetry. The way you've described the fireworks is just amazing. And I love it that you've written 'seizures of color, explosions of light' repeatedly.
It is not an easy job to give descriptions along with rhyming words. And you've done that.
You are a very good writer. And I wish you luck for further posts.
So keep writing!
First off, I love the repetition and the rhyming. Very unique. I love the picture it paints in my mind as well, pretty damn vivid. I love everything about this! Especially:
It's just so lovely.
Keep writing! :3
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