Young Writers Society

Evenin’, sgp. Haven’t read any other reviews, so if I repeat what they say, then I apologize.

I’m not too fond of this piece for a handful of reasons. First of all, it feels like the tail end of a larger poem—one that could house more than just one thematic element. In fact, this didn’t do much justice to your talent, and I want to see this shine a bit more. I do suggest enlarging and refocusing your topic, and give a bit of anecdotal reasoning behind your claim here that God is the only judge. Give me, the reader, a reason to care, and give it swiftly.

Your grammar and punctuation is pretty shoddy, and that needs repairing. You seem to demonstrate a confusion as to spacing around punctuation, as well as a confusion of subject-verb agreement. These are easy concepts to grasp, though, so I’m not all too worried. To give you a quick repair:

If life were so simple,
why would the bitter rage
continue to stay?
As if my attitude
defines who I am.

But I know there’s only
one judge, one opinion,
that I care about most:
Hhe lives above, beyond the sky.
Who is this guy? He is God.

sgppoetry wrote:If life were so simple,
why would the bitter rage
continue to stay?
#FF0000 ">As if my attiude
define who I was. "As if my attitude defines who I am."

But I know there only
one judge, one opinion,
that I care about the most#0000FF ">.
#0000FF ">He lives above, beyond the sky.
Who is this guy? he GOD. "he GOD"? I believe you mean "He's God." See, caps don't make this seem any more powerful, but if you really want the emphasis, put it in italics.

Interesting poem.

I think that you should definetly go through and revise the whole thing because you got a couple of grammatical and spelling errors.
Also, it doesn't flow very well, and there's not too much emotion. So maybe you should try and work on that too?

Keep writing,
Alzora

If life were so simple,
why would the bitter rage
continue to stay#FF0000 ">?
As if my atti#FF0000 ">tude
define#FF0000 ">d who I was.

But I know there #FF0000 ">was only #FF0000 ">I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say here.
one judge,one opinion, #FF0000 ">There should be a space between the comma and 'one'.
that I care about the most,
he lives above,beyond the sky. #FF0000 ">There should be a space between the comma and 'beyond'
Who is this guy? #FF0000 ">Hhe #FF0000 ">is GOD.

Hope this helped,
Sierra

helloo sgppoetry!
I'll be reviewing this for you today! XD I want to begin with saying that I like your write. I especially love the end, because His opinion really is the only thing that matters.
A few nitpicks:

If life were so simple, #FF0000 ">I think it would sound better if you changed this sentence into: If life was so simple, but maybe that's just me
why would the bitter rage
continue to stay ?
As if my attiude #FF0000 ">attiude should be "attitude"
define who I was. #FF0000 ">define should be defines or defined

But I know there only #FF0000 ">there should be "there's"
one judge,one opinion,
that I care about the most,
he lives above,beyond the sky. #FF0000 ">he should be "He"
Who is this guy? he GOD. #FF0000 ">He#FF0000 ">'s GOD.

I like this poem. It's really good. In the last stanza, you changed the rhyming pattern, which didn't quite fit. Apart from that, it is great. Keep writing!

#BF0000 ">comments

The golden stars are what makes me smile on the darkest nights, #BF0080 ">I feel like this line was too long in comparison. Try to shorten it. How about: Golden stars make me smile on the darkest nights ?
as if I just knew, everything would be alright ,
and the painless shadows went away ,
as if it shine brighter each and every day. #BF0080 ">This line doesn't make much sense. As if it shine brighter? What? As if it shines, is that what you meant? It's a bit confusing, because you just mentioned shadows and are now saying they shine every day. Shadows =/= light. Or do you mean the stars? Might want to clarify somehow.

The brutal years were over,
as if it was just washed away,
but steel hatred still stands,
as if he was a fearless man. #BF0080 ">This stanza feels like it does and yet doesn't fit. I don't understand the last two sentences. The first two make sense, but I would suggest revising quite a bit.

But the cold bitter weeks, seem to stay ,
as if it was stalking me in every single way, #BF0080 ">I laughed at this line. xD Not in a bad way. Just the idea of weeks stalking you... ?
but my happiness never walked away,
as if I were bold man , #BF0080 ">You broke your rhyme scheme! D: It doesn't work with the rhyme scheme broken...
who would never stay the same,
because i finally made a honest change #BF0080 ">Liked this line.

Hey there, poetry. I'm here to review... obviously. xD Okay, the fact that the font's color is orange distracts the reader and it won't let him/her want to read the poem, plus it's rather unprofessional. Overall, it's pretty good.

Now some nitpicks:

sgppoetry wrote:The golden stars are what makes me smile on the darkest nights,
as if I just knew, everything would be alright#FF0000 "> ,
#FF0000 ">and the painless shadows went away ,
as if it shine brighter each and every day.

sgppoetry wrote:The brutal years were over,
as if it was just washed away#FF0000 ">,
#FF0000 ">but steel hatred still stands,
as if he was a fearless man.

sgppoetry wrote:But the cold bitter weeks, seem to stay ,
as if it was stalking me in every single way#FF0000 ">,
#FF0000 ">but my happiness never walked away,

sgppoetry wrote:as if I were bold man#FF0000 "> ,
who would never stay the same,
because #FF0000 ">i finally made a honest change.