E - Everyone

John

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John is an 18 year old boy who is alone. He has a skinny body with brown hair and brown eyes and he lives in Chicago. John used to be a very nice person but when his parents died in a car crash a few years ago he has become bitter and sad. John is poor and doesn’t have a lot of money. Unfortunately his parents were in debt so when they passed they left him with nothing but an old cottage home. John wants to become something in his life. He barely got his diploma so he wasn’t school smart therefore he couldn’t go to college to become something that would make him huge, he tried getting a job but no one would hire him. But one day while John sat on the steps of an old diner thinking about his life he heard the owner of that diner kick some other boy out of there. The owner told that other boy he was fired and looked at John sitting on the stairs of his diner and yelled to him, “You want a job!?” John sprung up and said, “YES!” the owner said, “Good start cleaning the tables!”

John started work right away. He came in the diner was thrown an apron and a wet rag and started clearing the tables. After he finished he went to his boss and asked him what he wanted him to do next. The owner whose name was Joe, turned around and asked, “Can you cook?” John stood frozen, he could barely make his microwave pasta how was he supposed to cook for people? John replied he didn’t have much experience but he is willing to try anything to work at the diner. Joe took John into the kitchen and started pointing things out such as the work station for the chef and where the dirty and clean dishes go and where he keeps all the ingredients for his food and most importantly the recipe book that had recipes from when Joe was a little boy written in there. John started getting dizzy. He never cooked real food in his life and he was panicking. He requested Joe that he continue to stay a busboy and clean dishes and mop the floor but Joe insisted that he learn how to cook the food he served in his diner.

John left for the day and went home and pulled out some old cook books his mom had used and started studying them. He went to the local grocer bought some main ingredients that were used often in cooking and went home and started to experiment. John tried cooking pasta which didn’t work out well he baked pizza that was delicious and also he made crème brulee. John was up all night cooking and experimenting until her finally figured out that cooking wasn’t all that difficult. You just have to follow the recipes and sometimes add a little of your own style and you have a delicious plate of food! John couldn’t wait to go to work the next day.

John went in early to the diner before it was open to customers. He asked Joe, “Can I make you some breakfast?” Joe looked at John with a suspicion in his eye and answered, “As long as it doesn’t kill me, I don’t see why not!” John smiled big and ran to the kitchen pulled out the necessary item for pancakes and waffles, sausage, and of course home fries. He whipped up some waffles and blueberry pancakes and drizzled maple syrup over the top he chopped up some potatoes and put them in with some garlic and stuck them on the grill to cook and cooked the sausage right next to the also. He plated the food and brought it out to Joe and stared at him as he ate the food. John was sweating as Joe ate but no answer, he was worried whether the food tasted good or not? Then finally Joe put his work down, rubbed his belly and said, “Now that was the best breakfast I have had in a long time boy! If you can cook like that in the kitchen every day for people you will make sales go out of the roof!” John smiled and was smiling so much from this news his cheeks hurt. He never had anyone praise him like Joe just did! Customers started to come in the diner and John ran to the kitchen and started to cook food throwing it out as fast as he could. Customers came in the kitchen and personally thanked John for such a delicious meal and John had tears of joy.

The next day John went to work and in the office with Joe was sitting another man with a suit and glasses on. Joe called John to come in the office and introduced him to Mr. George. Mr. George was a famous host for cooking competitions. He talked to John and Joe about entering John in the 2016 cooking competition where famous chefs from all over the country come and compete in a one day challenge and the winner takes home $50,000 and also receives a free trip to Italy to learn cooking from master chefs. George also told John that he had heard his food was so amazing that the townsfolk entered him into the contest and he must come and show off his skills to everyone in the competition. John was stunned. He never thought that a little bit of effort would go a long way and maybe even make him the successful person he always wanted to become. John looked and Joe, he asked him, “You think I will win Mr. Joe?” Joe answered, “You won’t know until you try” John accepted the challenge and Mr. George gave him information on where the competition will be held and what time he must reach there.

The next day John got up early got dressed and was ready to go to the competition. He was a little nervous as he had never been to one of these things before. When he reached there he saw about 10 other people ready to compete some looked mean, some looked competitive, and some just looked so calm as if they had nothing to lose. John gulped and took deep breaths and told himself that whatever happens will happen for the good. The judges came there were 3 of them. They explained the rules and that scoring will be based on taste and appearance and there will be 2 parts to this competition, one entrée round and one dessert round. In the entrée round the chefs must incorporate any kind of pasta in to their dish and for the dessert round the chefs must incorporate cream. The judges put up the mark and yelled, “Your time starts now!”

John ran to the pantry and picked up some chicken, fettuccini, Alfredo sauce, and cheese. He also grabbed some bread and materials for a salad. John decided to make a Chicken Alfredo pasta with a Caesar salad and some garlic bread. He knew this was a simple dish but he didn’t have much experience to take big risks like the other chefs were. John quickly cooked his pasta and chicken and made his salad up and garlic bread and started plating. He only had 1 minute left on the clock so he tried making a simple yet elegant presentation. The time started counting down and when time ran out judged told everyone to step away from their stations. John looked around at other people’s dishes and he got worried that maybe his dish was too simple. The judges called each contestant one at a time to critic their food and so far the judges were half way impressed but wanted more from the other chefs so far. It was Johns turn the first judge mentioned how his dish was something simple especially for being in such a tough competition. John got worried and the other 2 judges did not critic anything but simply ate Johns dish and called the next contestant forward.

It was time for the answer only 3 contestant would continue to the dessert round. The judges called everyone together and first eliminated 5 chefs whose flavor was not what they were looking for. The remaining 5 were told how their dishes were all delicious but only 3 people could continue to the dessert round. They called some guy names Mike, who was safe, they called another person, Vanessa, who was safe then finally they called the last person. They mentioned how this was a tough decision but it all came down to the flavor of the dish. John will be continuing to the dessert round. John jumped in excitement and could not believe he was safe and the judges praised John on how his simple dish brought such bold flavors they had never tasted before. John’s grin was bigger than life as he continued to the dessert round.

The next rounds main ingredient was apples. John knew he couldn’t make an apple pie as he was only given 45 minutes to complete his dish he would not be able to bake the pie in that much time and he didn’t know of any other dessert he could make with apples. Then it hit him, he remember Joe’s recipe for apple turnover which he could get done in time because these turnovers were fried not baked. He quickly started kneading his dough and caramelizing his apples with brown sugar. He turned to the fryer and plopped in the turnovers and waited. He saw an ice cream maker and decided to try ice cream. He saw Joe use one in the diner before and hoped he could do it himself. He whipped up some cream he decided to go with vanilla bean and poured the mixture into the churner. He waited till it reached the right temperature and to his surprise the ice cream came out beautifully creamy and smooth. He put the ice cream in the freezer from melting and popped out his turn overs. There was only 45 second on the clock, John quickly started plating and right when he had 25 second left he remembered the ice cream. He quickly grabbed it and scooped it right on top of the turnovers and finished the dessert round.

The judged didn’t critic the food in front of the chefs but rather the dessert was taken to the judges in a back room and the chefs had to wait patiently outside. The time was here for the judges to announce the winner. The judges came out and praised all the chefs they had seen today and said this was a hard decision for them to make but again it all to the details. They announced Mike as winner for second place and finally after the drum roll… they announced John as the winner for the cooking competition. John broke out in tears and could not believe he was the winner and finally he succeeded in his life. John took the winning money and invested it to the diner and became partners with Joe and he took advantage of the Italy trip and learned many new skills that he uses every day in the kitchen. Today John owns 5 restaurants and has become a judge himself for cooking competitions all around the world.

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
heath
Review
heath wrote a review · Sun Aug 28, 2016 1:41 pm

hi, and welcome to yws! i enjoyed your story, and it has some good role models in it. however, as i do with every story, i have some qualms ( you can start fixing these by reading and identifying things that could have been better in an author's writing; the skills will come to you bit by bit ):

- spelling and grammatical errors on almost every sentence. i will give you examples of each offender from your text, but they show up often enough that i recommend you use a web application to help you check this. here are my nitpicks:

John used to be a very nice person but when his parents died in a car crash a few years ago he has become bitter and sad.

this is what we call a run-on sentence, where a sentence goes on and on without semicolons, dashes, commas, or periods when it certainly needs them. adding the needed symbols should fix the problem; here is an updated version that i edited. there is also a grammar error when you switch from past to present tense out of the blue.
John used to be a very nice person, but when his parents died in a car crash a few years ago, he became bitter and sad.

“You want a job!?” John sprung up and said, “YES!” the owner said, “Good start cleaning the tables!”

there are a couple of things wrong with this: no new paragraphs or periods to indicate other people talking. here is an edited version with correct grammar:
“You want a job!?”
John sprung up and said, “YES!”
The owner said, “Good; start cleaning the tables!”


- the characters have no depth. this is a short story, which affords less time for character development, but everybody has flaws and fictional characters are no exception. give john something that he struggles with-- maybe the loss of his parents has left him without someone to guide him in his life and his going to the contest leaves him terribly nervous ( not just normal stage fright or fear of failure, but a strong sense of self-doubt and worry ). shape his and joe's personalities into something that the readers visibly see in their reactions. maybe joe is lighthearted and funny, and john is distant and quiet but relentlessly optimistic for the future.

- describe the setting. we know the diner is old, but is it in good condition? are the walls dirty and the tabletops cracked, or is the floor so clean that you can see your reflection and the plates a gleaming platinum white? what kind of clothes does john wear to work? what does the cooking contest look like? are the judges wearing suits? how many judges are there and are they serious or do they crack jokes all the time?

other than that, the story is very inspirational.

User avatar
Arouet
Review
Arouet wrote a review · Sat Aug 27, 2016 3:29 am

This is an honestly heartfelt story, how are you still in the green room!?
Anyways, the story is just like any inspirational story because, well, there is no other way to write one this short. A person has an ambition, situations get worse and normal people would have left. this is where the main character takes initiative and succeeds in achieve his goal.
Simply put: A good example of a story you would tell your kids to make them shoot for the stars.

Arouet.



I feel like it will be absolute hotdog water, but oh well. It's just a draft.
— Charm