You told me
where I’m falling.
I was hoping to see
another smile, just like last time,
before the clouds kiss me and
hold me in their arms.
It’s too late, I know,
It’s gonna be okay.
Squeeze my hand
so I know your there.
Remember those lies
they always caught me with?
But you saw they were truth,
even if black is white
and I am good,
you were me
and I am you.
I don’t want to be anyone else.
I can’t be anyone else.
That’s not to say I’ll be gone long.
The cruel sky is taking me, the clouds
we are going to dance
an everlasting dance.
And the whole time I’ll be waiting,
just for you.
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Canary word: Present
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,747 Reviews
This content of the poem is sweet. Especially, on the last two lines -- waiting for the person you love, no matter what it takes.
On the first stanza, you what to be with the person that you love and you're reluctant to let go but just having her close to you is more than enough.
You description of their love was genuine. They accepted the flaws of each other and they act as one. No matter what unpleasant things have they encountered or they have been through in the past, it doesn't matter.. Because what the present holds is more important..
"I don’t want to be anyone else.
I can’t be anyone else." are the lines I liked because it tells that you accept the real you and no one can replace you. Something that everyone must be confident to say..
Keep going..
ll
U
I thought it was pretty good. It flowed pretty smoothly and had great rythm. I didn't really catch the theme though, but that just gives people something to think on. I'm not big on poems but I found it enjoyable to read.
I liked this, but kind of had trouble understanding it.
This is just an opinion, but in this line
"It’s gonna be okay."
You might change the gonna into going to.
"Remember those lies
they always caught me with?"
Who's they?
"and I am good,
you were me
and I am you."
You keep changing from present to past to present tense. Keep it one thing, please, and make life easier.