Hello!
Well this was a pretty clear poem, despite the few abstract lines in the middle. I don't really rate the title to be honest. Firstly this is quite a good poem, and the word 'paranoia' is weak due to it's overuse. It also gave much of the game away. I would suggest changing it.
There are a few good concepts within this. I especially liked the darkening atmosphere, which I suppose, is a given due to it's theme and the fact that it's set at night. Isn't it? This was good:
Sometimes I’m afraid of candles
hugging themselves in darkness.
The tenses bothered me somewhat. I would suggest instead of this being lyrical, change it to dramatic. Instead of telling the reader how this happens night after night in the present tense, which is effective- don't get me wrong, I think if you conveyed this theme in a poem in the past tense, it might be more compelling. Just an idea.
I like the abstract lines, which I'm guessing portray dreams? Or nightmares? Either way I enjoyed them. I think this is a good poem as it is, but some revision would make it great. Oh, and try reading your poem aloud when you've finished writing. It's a good way of checking for typos and re-working sentence structures.
Luck,
Eimear
Points: 1075
Reviews: 344
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