Published June 7, 2011
I wish I could just place you on my back,
Pack all the moments and put them inside a sack,
Protect you from harm then attack,
Duck when they try to destruct.
if you're only near,
if you're only here.
Slowly, we can only watch the moments disappear.
Although some are still unclear.
Just so you know,
It's hard to let go.
I've been crazy and I just won't let it show.
I'm still here thinking of you
and I can feel the pain like you do.
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Canary word: Present
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141,470 Literary Works • 674,492 Reviews
This poem is actually really good!! so much emotion behind those words. Wisperer is right if you change it to what he posted for you it would make it way better. Keep up the good work!!
very soulful
Hello there
Nitpicks:
- It supposed to be 'on' and not 'at my back'.
- The 'it' should be 'them' because 'moments' are plural.
- This seemed rather short. Maybe, add 'and' after 'harm'.
- Correction: 'Duck'
- Also, the 'destruct' doesn't seem to be a good rhyme to the previous last words.
- The 'i's' should be capitalized since all of the other first letters are.
- Anyway, this sentence is incomplete.
- I think it's better if you put 'just' after 'you'.
I love this poem.
Never stop writing!
I really enjoyed this poem, sometimes poems that rhyme are kid-like but this one has strong emotion and i love that.