like a chameleon i change color instantly..
wasting my life for lusts makes the insanity..
still you're there remaining constantly..
i'm dreaming of health and wealth..
while you're giving blessings more than i've dealt..
unexpectedly making me shine from my darkest days..
i never knew how beautiful you are in many ways..
i couldn't do anything without you, so i ended up crying..
then i realized that i've been lying..
you're still there even there's no changes in me..
giving me chances yet still letting me free..
my life's on a tour and i like taking a detour..
still you're keeping me safe by leading to the right door..
i didn't know much about you yet you know much about me..
i realized now and don't really need to see your face..
just to know how beautiful you are in many ways..
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
I erased the two thirds of elipses after every line and added proper grammar.
Above is only the gramatical corrections. A lot of what you say doesn't even make sense, and the rhyming is inconsistant and forced. This has potential, but it does need work. Hope I helped!
>>Annie<<
like a c#FF0000 ">hameleon i change color instantly..
wasting my life for lusts makes the insanity.. #FF0000 ">This line could use a little revision, maybe make it more concise
still you're there remaining constantly..#FF0000 ">a third line with the same rhyme, it would sound better if you change it to something like, still you constantly remain.
i'm dreaming of health and wealth..
while you're giving blessings more than i've dealt..
unexpectedly making me shine from my darkest days..
i never knew how beautiful you are in many ways..
#FF0000 ">good four lines, you could change the wording a bit to make them flow more
i couldn't do anything without you, so i ended up crying..
then i realized that i've been lying..
you're still there even #FF0000 ">though?there's no changes in me..
giving me chances yet still letting me free.. #FF0000 ">Could use some revision, it doesnt sound all that well when you read it
my life's on a tour and i like getting detour.. #FF0000 ">again, don't know what youre trying to say here
still you're keeping me safe by leading to the right door..
i didn't know much about you yet you know much about me..
i realized now and don't really need to see your face..
just to know how beautiful you are in many ways..
#FF0000 ">Nice ending
#0000FF ">It's a little raw, but not too shabby. Id give it a 6 or a 7 out of 10, but with some revision and changes, it could be really good. Keep Writing!
Thanks so much. I need more of your comments to solidify my work.
I did some changes and I plan to formalize it soon... I still need your help...
This is sweet and I like it a lot. Just go through check the grammar, capitalization, and punctuation then you'll be golden dahlin'.
Keep writing,
Alzora
Aww, how sweet. I'm thinking, since you did use some punctuation, that you might add the right capitalization. Also, there were some spots that seemed a little unclear:
They sound alright by themselves, but they don't sound right when they're actually in the poem. They don't make a lot of sense. Great job, though, I liked it.