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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
One moment, as I think about it, I smile.
I remember the way we freezed everything for a while, (Froze)
The rush we've made when we're so excited. (The rush we made when we were so excited)
We were once so young and devoted.
Time had changed and came the ups and downs (Times changed, and then came the ups and downs)
Which had flowed us to frowns. (Im not sure how to correct this without messing up your poem... No just keep it I think its fine but maybe just write: Which had flowed us to the frowns)
Crazy as I got nothing to do but embrace the memories (Its crazy since I have nothing to do but embrace these memories,)
to somehow sing these melodies. (and somehow sing those melodies.)
Still wont believe we're both bound for this. ( I cant believe that we are both bound for this,)
You're the one I miss (because you're still the one I miss)
Cause you're my direction.
my remedy, my inspiration.
I'm telling you this way,
Cause I dont wanna waste another day (want to)
Just know you suposed to be in my heart (Just know that you are supposed to be in my heart)
Cause inside of me, there's a missing part. (because inside of me, there is still that missing part.)
HI! I hope that made sense to you, Im not telling you to change it to the way I reviewed your work, but I think it flows better that way.
Hudz
X
Dont get offended please!
You just need to get better at compiling it all together.
and Over all I really enjoyed your poem
I like the emotion and meaning in this piece. It draws the reader in. Your rhyme scheme was very bumpy though, and it bothered me a little. But it -in a way- helped keep my attention too.
Overall I'd say it was well written.
My rating: 9/10
My favorite part:
One moment, as I think about it, I smile.
I remember the way we freezed everything for a while,
I can just about hear that kind of... Dazed longing in your voice, it was great!
Keep writing!
w&w
Glad to have somebody that appreciates my work. Thanks wordsandwisdom. Thanks for the review.