Quill sat on a weathered bench outside the town healer’s cottage, waiting for his checkup. It had been nearly two moons since he’d broken his leg, a mishap that occurred during his dramatic rescue by Castian, the very boy who now sat beside him. They had been staying in the town, busy preparing for their upcoming journey and working to ensure Quill’s leg healed properly.
“Your leg should be better by now. I hope Aslan lets us leave town soon,” Castian said, glancing at Quill with a mix of concern and impatience. Quill pulled out his enchanted paper, a gift from a kind lady in town that allowed him to translate his thoughts into written words. He replied quickly,
Yes! It would be wonderful to start our adventure. I was thinking we could pick up a quest. There’s an old man at the tavern who gives quests to those he deems worthy.
Castian’s eyes lit up. “That sounds fantastic! I’m so excited, Quill!”
So am I!
“Should I go see him today? There’s no way we won’t be worthy!” Castian jumped in the air with excitement as Quill nodded. Quill began scribbling instructions on when the man would be in the tavern and how to get a quest.
* * *
As Castian read Quill’s message, the healer, Aslan, emerged from his cottage. He was a tall, elderly man with an unmistakable smell of dragonroot clinging to him—a scent that was anything but pleasant. Whistling an old nursery rhyme, he paused when he caught sight of Castian.
The boy gasped. “Oh! I recognize that song! My mother wrote it!” Both Aslan and Quill turned to him, eyebrows raised in confusion.
“Oh, sorry! I just recognized the song you were whistling,” Castian clarified, choosing to keep his mother’s authorship to himself.
Aslan appeared momentarily surprised before responding, “Yes. It is indeed a lovely song.” He smiled, revealing a gap-toothed grin. “Come inside, Quill.” He gestured for the small Tabaxi to enter. “You can stay out here, Cas!” He looked back at Castian with a knowing look in his eyes.
Castian was confused as he watched Aslan whisper to Quill. Quill looked back with wide eyes until Aslan shooed him through the door. Castian ignored what had just happened and set off to go to the tavern, his excitement bubbling up with each step.
* * *
He continued quickly toward the tavern, eager to speak with the old man about quests. It was just next door, and he arrived in moments.
As he entered the tavern, the bartender, Julius, greeted him without looking up. “Hi, Cas! How are ya today?” He was too busy pouring a drink to pay full attention. Castian nodded in reply, oblivious to the fact that Julius hadn’t actually seen him.
Julius frowned when Castian walked away without a word, but Castian was already on a mission. He made his way to the back of the tavern, where the old man usually sat. Sure enough, he spotted a small figure hunched over a scroll. The man had a long, white beard and a balding head, and he didn’t look up as Castian took a
seat across from him.
“Excuse me?” Castian tapped the old man on the shoulder. When the man turned his head away from the scroll he was reading, Castian was taken aback.
“What! You’re blind! How are you reading—” he started.
“Yes, young man. I am blind. I have my ways of reading,” the man chuckled softly and continued slowly trolling his finger down the scroll.
“My name is Asmo the Wise. What do you need from me?”
“My friend told me you give quests,” Castian replied, his curiosity piqued.
“Only to those who are worthy. Why do you ask? Do you believe you are worthy?”
That question caught Castian off guard. He opened his mouth but paused. Am I? What does it mean to be worthy?
Asmo seemed to sense his uncertainty. “To be worthy, you must gather a few items for me. Then I will determine if you are deserving of a quest.” He reached into his robe and handed Castian a list, written in loopy, intricate handwriting:
Castian grimaced at the sight of dragonroot. Why would anyone want dragonroot incense? It smelled terrible! Confusion clouded his thoughts.
“How do I get a bottle of love?” he asked, looking for clarity. But when he turned back to Asmo, the old man had vanished. Castian began looking around, bewildered when the man was nowhere to be seen.
Nearby, a patron sitting at the bar overheard Castian’s plight and laughed. “Ha! A bottle of love? Good luck with that!”
Castian turned to her, desperate. “Do you know how I can get one?”
She shrugged but replied, “You can get one by stealing a kiss from someone and bottling it.”
“How do I bottle a kiss?” he asked, bewildered.
“The same way you bottle fire and starlight,” she answered, rolling her eyes as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“Okay,” he said, recalling a few things he had learned about bottling. Hopefully, he could manage it.
“Oh, will you stop staring at me?” the girl snapped, annoyed. “It can’t be that you’ve never seen a Neko before.”
He flushed, realizing he had been staring. “I didn’t know I was staring! I’m so sorry,” he stammered, feeling his embarrassment deepen. He had a tendency to zone out, which often made people think he was fixated on them.
“It’s okay,” she sighed, her annoyance softening. “It happens all the time.”
“I wasn’t staring because of how you look! I was just lost in thought,” he protested, genuinely wanting to clear up the misunderstanding.
“You’re fine,” she said, offering a reassuring smile. “As I said, it happens to everyone.”
“Yeah, I just feel bad since it seems to happen to you a lot,” he replied sincerely, feeling a twinge of empathy.
He stood up, the weight of his mission pressing down on him. He needed to check
on Quill. Nodding at the Neko, he made his way out the door.
As she watched him leave, a small smile tugged at her lips. Why do I get the feeling I’ll see him again? she thought, curiosity piqued by the unexpected encounter.
* * *
Castian lumbered over to Aslan’s cottage to retrieve Quill. As soon as he knocks on the door, Aslan appeared seemingly out of thin air. He led him into where Quill was laying on a bright yellow pillow. Castian ran over to him and showed him the list, As Quill read the list he grimaced at the mention of dragonroot incense, just as Castian had when he got the list from Asmo.
“Yeah, I know it’s gross,” said Castian. He nodded at the list as he spoke. He got out the paper for Quill. Quill quickly thought of some questions.
Why would we need dragonroot? how do you bottle a kiss? Also, aren’t starlight berries only found on Mount Hichiag?
“I have no idea. You bottle a kiss like you do with starlight. And yes we will have to go there to get the berries,” Castian sighed. Quill quickly replied,
We better start collecting the items now, and make a list of where we can find each thing,
Castian wrote the list in careful handwriting,
Black coal - found at the blacksmiths
white chalk - found at the school
1 stick dragonroot incense - found at the apothecary
3 starlight berries - found on Mount Hichiag
2 bottles of love - anywhere. Must find someone to kiss…twice
The boys both stared at the list, intimidated by some of the tasks. They stood up and decided to head to the blacksmiths to get some coal. Castian yawned, the day was going on far too long for his liking.
* * *
Quill nodded as he read the list once more. Castian picked up Quill and they walked out the door, heading to the blacksmiths. The blacksmiths was only a few stores down from Aslan’s cottage.
Castian carefully balanced Quill as he opened the door. Inside was a array of tools and weapons, perfectly crafkted by hand. At the very back was a tall man, he seemed to be half-giant. He had a long blonde beard and a bald head. He turned their way with a big smile.
“Hello boys! How may I help you today?”
“Can we please have 10 pieces of black coal?”
The man tilted his head, “Thats an odd request. What for?”
“We need to prove to Asmo we are worthy of a quest.”
“I see,” said the man, “My name is Barth. I will give you the coal if you repay me.”
Castian slumped, “We have no money.”
“There are many ways to repay someone not including money. If you forge a sword correctly, I will give you the coal and let you keep the sword.”
“Really? Thanks so much. I’ll get to work right away.” Castian’s excitement got in the way of his logic as he quickly accepted the challenge.
Quill offered to go work on finding the incense. Castian waved goodbye, anxious to get to work on his task. Soon, he realized he overestimated his skills at forging as he explored the workshop. He didn’t recognize any of the tools. After a long while of searching, he found a small list of steps. He tucked it away, not wanting to be accused of cheating at the task.
He started to gather the materials, first grabbing the metal and blowtorch. He set the metal on the workbench, turning on the blowtorch. He realized a little too late that he should have covered his face and hair. The tips of his hair were singed, the smell of burnt hair wafting around the room. He turned around and grabbed a mask, cursing under his breath at the stupid mistake.
As he heated the metal, he began to hum the song from earlier. Blurry memories from his childhood began to come to his memory but before he could recall anything, he heard the door open and Barth walked in.
“How’s it going?” Barth spoke in his unnaturally deep voice.
“Not too bad, I accidentally singed my hair a little but im all good.”
Barth laughed and left Castian to start the next step. Castian began to hammer the metal into the correct shape for a sword. It took almost an hour of perfecting the curves and edges. Once he finished, Barth allowed him to take the coals while he made the final touches on the sword.
* * *
Castian returned to the healer’s hut. Quill was waiting for him under a small tree. He held up his paper,
Did you get the coals?
“Yes! How did it go with the incense?”
Pretty good. It’s inside, the smell was absolutely terrible.
“I guess we have to work on getting the chalk tomorrow, the sun is setting,”
Castian ended the sentence with a yawn.
The boys headed inside, chatting as they walked. As they reached the main room, they saw Aslan hunched over in a corner. They walked over to him, he was mixing herbs into small pouches.
“What are you doing Aslan?” Castian stood on his toes and leaned over the man. Curiosity peeked in the young boy’s eyes.
“Sorting your traveling herbs for when you to Mount Hichiag,” Aslan looked up at the boy with a warm smile. He then shooed him and Quill away to get some rest. The boys walked over to the treatment room, their temporary bedroom. They began getting into their nightwear. After they had changed, they settled into their cots, excitement for the upcoming future stirring in their brains.
They quickly fell deep into a world of dreams and adventures. As they slept, Aslan continued his work, never stopping. He stared into the sky through his window and began whistling the song that had sparked Castian’s interest earlier, the song of the forbidden lands.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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edited dec 21 2024
Happy Holidays! My name is Ley (or Lektra) and I'm here to review this sparkling work with my new holiday-themed review template: just in time for winter! Let's sit by the fire, get our marshmallows ready, and discuss this piece you have here. Huzzah!
❄️ Winter Whispers ❄️
I went ahead and familiarized myself with this story by reading the prologue first, and I absolutely love the premise you have here. I love Quill and Castian's relationship, it seems so heartfelt. Now lets get into what I really liked!
🎅 Warm Sugar Cookie 🎅
I particularly enjoyed this little detail here with the enchanted paper! It's such a unique touch. It exposes the determination to communicate, despite Quill's inability to speak. <3
Another lovely moment that I noted was Castian's recognition of the nursery rhyme Aslan was whistling. While it's a small detail, it hints at a deeper backstory! :3 It makes me really want to dive deeper and learn more about his past. He seems like a character with so many layers.
I found this list especially intriguing! Everything looked relatively normal until I read the "Bottle of Love". I had the same reaction as Castian XD But, this detail made me want to know more and continue reading, so amazing job!
🌟 Chilling Critique 🌟
One suggestion I did have was for this part of the chapter:
I was a little confused on who was talking here. An easy fix would be to limit your usage of dialogue tags (specifically 'he' and 'she') and replace them with the names of the characters, especially when a group of different characters are talking. Other than that, I have no notes
Take what you think is helpful and leave the rest! :p
🎆 The Grand Finale 🎆
Overall, I'm super into this story! I love the setting, the characters, and the plot so far! I can't wait to see how Castian is going to fulfill this quest. :3
Wishing you a season filled with joy, laughter, and love! <3
Hello there, Enid! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the violent S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Quill gets his injured leg fixed, Castian goes to a tavern where he meets Asmo the wise, and is given a quest to prove his worthiness. Maybe Quill will join Castian on his quest to prove himself, maybe not. But one thing is for sure: No quests will be easy.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - There was a gap between “a” and “seat”, but that’s just one little thing.
Chocolate Bar - I love the introduction of Asmo! From how he’s reading with blind eyes to how he simply vanishes when Castian asks about the means of bottling love. He seems so much more than he looks, he might even have a certain magical essence around him. I also like how the Neko rolled her eyes when she was telling Castian that bottling love was the same as bottling fire and starlight, it’s hilarious and shows that she has some experience in using magic. Both of the characters seem very interesting in their own ways.
Closing Graham Cracker - Castian has a quest to do! Well, not a big quest, but an additional quest to prove his worthiness! I have my utmost faith that Castian and Quill will be worthy enough to continue on their quest and I do hope that the Neko joins them. Now, all they have is a long road ahead of them and…
I wish you a fabulous day/night! ^v^