Published May 29, 2008
The other dreams I have of you
are a fantasy, fallacy, farce,
figment of my imagination –
unrealistic, idealistic, optimistic.
But this is different. I’m alive,
kicking. A force of nature. A tornado
whips around my ankles. I look up –
you’re at its centre. The maelstrom
strangely downwind, out of reach.
Lightning – electrifying my soul, veins popping,
arteries exploding. I’m alive. And well
protected in your embrace. Thunder claps in the distance,
Echoing in the distance, dying a hero’s death. I’m face-to-face.
Tete-a-tete. I can read her thoughts, her brainstorms, her thought-showers drench my face.
It’s sodden, wet with your kisses. I’m cold,
you’re cold. Face of an angel, heart of a shroud, sucking my very existence away.
Sucking into the swirling vortex of memories, happy and melancholy.
Of my soul, your soul, your hands, my face, your lips, mine turning away...
It’s a different dream. Your dream. Your nightmare.
You squirm under the sheets next to me. Your nightmare. Dead
Or alive?
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141,448 Literary Works • 674,460 Reviews
I guess it was okay. But I don't like reading such advanced grammar all the time. It would have been less of a bother if it was consistant. You just used all those big words, and then you just plain stopped. It made the other stanzas seem like they didn't belong to the begining. That kinda throws a person off. And the sentences in the stanzas seemed all jumbled up, not the kind of affect I want for this kind of poem.
Hello I am GordonRamsayLuver you can GRL for short. Not to be mean but this seems like more of a story than a poem. But i am notsaying it was bad, I am saying I liked it but it seemed like a story.
Nice use of grammar I have to say. But I really don't like how you ended the poem with a question. Is their a sequel? How do we suppoes to know?
But overall not bad. Keep it up.
GordonRamsayLuver :0