Young Writers Society

Hai Screamingsloth,
Wonderful, just wonderful!!! I absolutely love the romance. I love that you are able to create such a clear picture of what's going on. There are some moments in this poem that lack detail but that is a very common problem so, you're not alone. So far I love the structure it's nice and organized. I can tell that as a writer you have some really lit skills. A lot of people in this world wouldn't have been able to explain moments in this poem so deep if they haven't felt it. To be honest I don't think anyone would. My point is you have a very rare talent and to excel is to keep on going and adding more and more into your poems so they really come to life. Your a great writer I would love to see more!!! Keep Writing poetry!
Nidkits

Hi! Whatcha here for a review!
Okay, really cool ... I do love romance stories
Maybe you could change 'If only you knew' up a bit? Like, 'if only you were aware', or 'if only you realized', stuff like that. 'If only you knew' will start to lose it's meaning if you keep saying it.
I would keep the last line, though. The 'if only, if only' really strikes a chord for me.
Just a little question, 'wondering if that person found out that it was you' doesn't make sense to me. Who is 'that person'? I may just be misunderstanding it.
And that's it
But really, truly? Great poem! Keep writing!

Haha I'm back

Seriously though, you're really good at poetry. This almost hits home - relationship troubles suck. There is a lot of emotive language involved, like the "yearn" and "lust".

I like how you have wrote the feelings a minority (or majority?) of people have. The quote " teenage romance" makes people either remember their teenage love, or think about it as it currently happens.

The usage of "you" is also effective because it engages the reader. This causes us to think that someone could feel like that about us, or consider the things they'd do for someone else. (I'm sorry if that doesn't make sense). There's also a sense of longing and melancholy... This definitely makes people think more.

I am 100% convinced to read more of your poetry after these two poems of yours I've read!!