Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Short Story » General

So Stong (13+ contains violence and adult themes)

by scissorquiz

I walk at night.

Two people walk with me, not quite friends as much as kindred spirits. We hurry through streetlights and linger in the darkness between as we revel at the thought of being halfway hidden.

It is at times like these I am truly alive. I can hear the world breathing, sighing her mournful melody out through cracks in the sidewalk. A sadness overcomes me, washed through by the beautiful song. This can materialize as weeds that grow through concrete.

It is cold at this time of year. I slip a hood over my head and inhale my lighter's flame through a cigarette. Smoke scorches my throat and I exhale up towards the stars.

These people I walk with do not speak, nor do I. The fact that we can exist in times when the sun is alive and the town shudders sometimes brings tears to my eyes. We hurt no one. We are strong. So strong.

We cross the street at the sight of fogged up car windows. I peer in the back and see two broken teenagers trying to fix each other with hushed moans. The automobile shivers and I look towards Keith's face. We nod through the sound of young skin slapping.

Samuel busts through the window with the crowbar he had up his sleeve. The girl is screaming, the guy is spitting his vulgarities and I drag him through the hole fringed with broken glass. My steel toe slams through his lips and he is now spitting his teeth.

I realize that the girl has stopped screaming and started bleeding. Keith removes his blade from her throat and I hear a dull thud and the bubble of blood from a peirced lung.

Simutaneously, we turn and retreat back to our darkness. I bite my lip and tell myself that I hurt no one, that I am strong. So strong.

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

Is this a review?



User avatar
392 Reviews

Points: 34125
Reviews: 392

Thu Sep 13, 2018 6:09 am
EditorAndPerks wrote a review...

Hello there.

Popping to give you a review that's long incoming but everyone deserves at least two of them, so here I am.

First off, this took a turn I didn't expect, so nicely done on that. I actually want more of this because of how this ended. I think that the first line does a good job at setting the scene in a "seen this in a movie" of what I assume to be a woman. The speaker starting their narration like that is interesting for a few reasons, one being that it gives the reader an image and that it opens a chest of questions.

Why does she walk at night? Why does she kill people, but then claim to not be a killer? Is it the action of the couple that made her group kill them, or is it something else? I'm a little perplexed by the line talking about the sun, when this only described the nighttime, and that there were stars, and that it was cold. I guess that's reflecting on previous times, but even that idea seems a little off compared to what this story talks about currently.

Finally, I think this leaves a lot more questions than answers, as proved by the above, so I wish you added more to this. This is a case of not having enough explanations on how this world works and why it's so very different than the typical one.

Overall, this was definitely different, and I'm left wondering about a lot of stuff.

User avatar
915 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 915

Thu Jan 27, 2005 8:01 am
Incandescence says...

This was on TYWC.

I still don't like it.

User avatar
683 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 683

Thu Jan 27, 2005 7:38 am
Emma says...

I really liked the story... though one problem. I didn't understand half the words. :?

Change isn't inherently good, but you can't stop it, so let's just enjoy the ride. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
— TheSilverFox