Published November 27, 2008
His face was streaked with blood, crimson and dry on his cheek. His jaw was flecked with freckles, his green eyes sparkled with exhilaration. He bit his bottom lip, tasting the blood on his tongue. He swallowed, trying to rid the lump from his throat.
‘You know,’ A voice whispered from behind making Gage press his hands to his face and try to hide the blood. ‘It’s not life or death Gage, it’s just a sandwich.’
‘Dash, you frightened me,’
‘That would be a first,’ He whispered before raising his eyebrows ‘Where did that blood come from?’ He looked down at the sandwich on the ground. ‘Lunch doesn’t usually bleed.’
‘It was his.’ He held up a wallet, Dash squinted at the drivers license.
‘Cooper Thomas’
Dash rolled his eyes, he pressed his fingers to his temples. Rubbing and muttering incoherently.
‘Jesus, Gage, you’re what fourteen?’
‘Twelve.’
‘Twelve!’ He threw his hands at the sky. ‘Jesus Christ, can you just not murder someone for at least a week?’
‘No’ He smiled, showing his jagged teeth, the scar on his cheek made a dent in the blood.
Dash pulled on Gage’s shirt.
‘Get in the car, kid.’
‘I’m not a kid, Dash.’
‘Whatever’
Gage opened his eyes wide. ’I’ll kill you, Dash, I’m not sure how well your wife would take it though.’
‘For fuck sake Gage, if you killed me you would have no one to stop Mae from telling the cops, or killing you herself.’
‘I doubt that.’
‘I wouldn’t fucking doubt it, now get in the car and pick that damn sandwich up, I’m hungry.’
The car was black with leather interior and when he breathed the smell of blood filled his lungs.
Dash sighed.
‘He’s in the trunk, isn’t he?’
‘Where else?’
‘I shouldn’t answer that question, should I Gage?’
‘Not really.’
There was a pause, the air was arid. The stench clung to the inside of Dash’s nose.
‘How old was he?’
‘Thirty one, with two children, Aubin and Darcy. His wife’s name was Addison Thomas and he owned a cat, Kibbles.’
‘Kibbles,’ He muttered. ‘Real original.’
Gage nodded.
‘I wonder if his kids will miss him, his wife even.’ Dash felt chagrin run through him, he creased his eyebrows.
‘He hits Aubin and Addison, not Darcy though because Darcy looks like him and when he hurts Darcy he is reminded of what his own father used to do, I’m sure they won’t miss him.’
‘How do you know?’
‘He told me.’
Dash bit his lip and nodded his head.
‘It’s true.’ Gage said, while shrugging his shoulders.
‘I have no reason to doubt you.’
Gage grinned, the scar on his cheek still making a dent in the blood.
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137,435 Literary Works • 672,020 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well this was a different experience to say the least. Not sure if this is the start to a novel (which would be decent) or a standalone short story (in which case the ending isn't great and we don't really see a story). Anyways let me get nitpicky now.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Oooh that is a lovely opening description that you've got right there. A wonderful way to start the story.
Oooh that was a lovely line there with the 'lunch doesn't bleed'...a nice touch of humor but also letting us know that some serious things went down.
Oh wow, that sounds very dangerous...
Well this kid isn't afraid of much now is he?
Well that's quite a fun way to reveal that through the description.
Well he knows lot about a random dude that he just killed off.
Interesting choice of last words by a dying man but okay.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this was a pretty interesting introduction to some well strange but interesting sounding characters. Its still no clear what this is meant to be but there were some bits that were done pretty well like the dialogue. The description while a little thin also looked pretty decent most of the time.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Well, this was, um, unusual, to say the least. I liked it though.
You write dialouge really well, which makes the story more intresting. What is Gage, exactly? How does he know Dash? Anyway, keep writing. I'm looking forward to reading more!