Prologue
When you’ve spent your entire life running, it’s almost impossible to stop. It becomes as easy as breathing, a second nature, incorporated as one of the five senses. When the thumping of your heart and blood rushing to your face are constant echoes or when 2 hours sleep is the maximum you receive-looking back is not an option. It’s a death sentence. After years of repeating the same pattern, hopes and dreams of a stable family, house and lifestyle are nothing but faint images in the background, which grow fainter with each passing year. Self-pity is a sign of weakness; sobs are meaningless tears. Egoism is a survival skill and food is a blessing from God-if he even exists. Hardships increase and just when you think it’s over, this is the last one, a new one appears. Care and love are foreign words.
The moment I met him, I wanted to kill him. He was just another unlucky person who happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. They would kill him of course, like any other person who ever happened to cross my scent. I never knew that because of him, my own life would cease to have meaning. That because of him I would learn to laughs and smile. I learnt that there are only two reasons why you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Either it’s not your time or your eyes haven’t been opened!
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,832 Reviews
Hi, sassybeatch15. Kanome here with a review.
NITPICKS:
There are no grammatical errors but the prologue since a little short... maybe because you are trying to build it up to chapter one? Creating curosity for the reader, maybe?
IMPROVEMENT:
I don't see any improvement needed for this right now, so great job on that.
OVERALL:
I believe this is interesting, you created curosity for your reader, at least in my opinion. It makes your reader think what will happen in the story. The usage of your words, and the way you described the imagery in this prologue makes the story make sense in its own way. Keep up the great work, I can't wait for the next chapter update. Keep writing!
Thanks for the review- it was really encouraging
Hello sassybeatch,
This preface has me in mind of Twilight for some reason.
"It becomes as easy as breathing" - cut "becomes" and instead try: "It's as easy as breathing."
"A second nature" - cut "a" just leave it at "second nature"
"Incorporated as one of the five senses" - cut "Incorporated as" and just leave it at "one of the five senses"
"When the thumping of your heart and blood rushing to your face are constant echoes or when 2 hours sleep is the maximum you receive-looking back is not an option."
Try: "When the thumping of your heart and the rushing of blood to your face are constant echoes, or when two hours sleep is the maximum you can get - looking back is not an option."
"After years of repeating the same pattern, hopes and dreams of a stable family, house and lifestyle are nothing but faint images in the background, which grow fainter with each passing year."
Instead, maybe: "After years of repeating the same pattern, the hopes and dreams of a stable family, house, and lifestyle are nothing background images. They grow fainter and fainter with each passing year."
"Egoism is a survival skill and food is a blessing from God-if he even exists." - This is just my opinion but the previous statements are firm in their conviction, so the "if he even exists" seems to fall out of that pattern? I think it would read stronger if the narrator had a firm stance on God's existence (or non-existence). Again, just my opinion.
Cut "this is the last one"
I'm getting a paranormal vibe from this story. I'm thinking werewolves? It's an intriguing start. Good work!
-Dream
thanks for the comment-you're right about the werewolf vibe!