Summer time
The sky is as blue as the seas in Greece
Everyone seems to be doing fine
People are joyful and there is a feeling of peace
Let’s go to the pool, yours or mine?
Toddlers are playing in the sand
Go to the beach, work on your tan
Go out at night and listen to a band
Do you love summer, or are you not a fan?
Sit by the pool put your toes in the water
Hang out with family or a friend
It seems like the sun is always getting hotter
We all wish that summer would never end
Soon you will have to put your bathing suit and shorts away
Wait for summer to come again, count the days
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
You have a very sweet and cute poem there. Although I think that you could clear the structuring up a bit. Make it into stanzas so that they rhyming pattern become more obvious as well. Like this:
It looks a lot more neat and readable that way. And while we're at structuring, can I suggest that you make the title bold? Or if not that, underline it? It makes it more obvious. I think that the others have picked up all your grammatical problems, so I won't go into that. You do need punctuations though.
You rhymed the poem well, the lines don't seemed to force. So, I'd say it was a poem well done. Keep it up!
Hey,
I really like this poem. It's short and cute and pretty straight forward. A couple of nitpicks though:
Welcome to YWS! I'm Jasminebells but you can call me Jas for short.
1.You should separate the stanza based on rhyme scheme. Readers will see this a big chunk of words, that may be fantastic, but also extremely confusing to read.
2. In the second stanza, maybe change 'tan' to something else. It sounds a lot like 'sand' and messes with the flow a little.
3. The line 'Do you like summer or are you not a fan' seemed forced and again clashes with the word sand and band.
4. You should stick to one type of rhyme scheme. In the first stanza, you have ABCB and then in the second stanza you have ABAB. While reading the first stanza, we are led to believe that the rhyme scheme is set at ABCB and no not realize the ABAB in the second stanza until after reading it. For example, I only realized that the rhyme scheme for the second stanza was ABCB while critiquing how band and sand and tan all sound too alike.
Overall, I really liked this. It was a cute little piece that makes me more anxious for summer to just hurry up and get here already!
Grade: A-
~Jas
Summer time
The sky is as blue as the seas in Greece add a comma here
Everyone seems to be doing fine add a period here
People are joyful and there is a feeling of peace
Let’s go to the pool, yours or mine?
Toddlers are playing in the sand
Gouse a different verb to the beach, work on your tanGo out at night and listen to a band
Do you love summer, or are you not a fan?
Sit by the poolcomma put your toes in the water
Hang out with family or a friend
It seems like the sun is always getting hotter this line is too long
We all wish that summer would never end that's kind of contradicting your question ''do you like summer, or are you not a fan?"
Soon you will have to put your bathing suit and shorts away
Wait for summer to come again, count the days add a period here
Ahh you've got me all excited for summer, it's only a month away!
good job, keep writing!
-KatTrain
Hello!
I'm Jojo and I shall be your reviewer for today.
Grammar is in #FF0000 ">red.
Other edits are in #0000FF ">blue.
This is probably the best part of the whole poem.
I don't know what happened, but after this line- the rest of the poem just seems rushed and off-topic.
Just expand a little
Overall:
This is a cute poem. It's seems rushed toward then end, but it has some real potential.
There were a lot of misses in punctuation- which can throw off any poem( be it good or bad) so I think you need to make sure that your punctuation is in order so that the real substance can be evaluated to it's fullest.
But other than that, nice job!
Keep Writing!
--------------------------------------
-Jojo