I watch the rain fall
From a sky too big for my eyes
The clouds release a thousand different sparks
Before they vanish the moment they touch the ground
The earth feels freshly painted
By the quiet brush of rain
I feel small
Standing beneath such a sky
Yet somehow,
The one who made the rain
In all it’s sparks and beauty
made me too.
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141,357 Literary Works • 674,380 Reviews
Yooo, Aster herreeee!!
And oh my god, this piece is GORGEOUS 🌸✨️
First of all, I really liked the imagery here “A sky too big for my eyes” is such a pretty way of describing the feeling of standing under something so huge, and I also really liked the “quiet brush of rain” line.
Second, I loved how the poem slowly shifts from the speaker feeling small to realizing that they're part of that same beauty too. It feels like a really simple thought, but there's something comforting about it.
Third, the ending is definitely my favourite part!! The idea that the same creator who made something as beautiful as the rain also made the speaker is really sweet, and I think it gives the poem a lot more meaning than it initially seems to have.
Now, onto a couple of things you could improve!
First, “The clouds release a thousand different sparks” is pretty, although I initially pictured lightning when I read “sparks.” If you're referring to the raindrops themselves, maybe making that image a little clearer could help.
Second, I'd play around with the rhythm in a few places. Some of the longer lines feel a little different from the shorter ones around them, so tweaking the wording might make the whole thing flow more smoothly. Also, tiny correction: “it’s sparks” should be “its sparks”
Overall, I really enjoyed this! It's simple, peaceful and has a lovely little realization at the end. I especially liked that you didn't overcomplicate the message.
Hope to see more from you!
And damn, this is so so good for a first poem 😭💖
Thank you sooo much, I really appreciate your honesty and this means a lot to me, because it’s the first time that I share my work with literally anyone and I love that you liked it.
I tried writing poems before like I tried many times and it just wasn’t good, after like a loooot of tries and a looot of time I finally came up with something.
No problem! Trust me, this is my first time sharing my pieces too.
But you're super duper talented! 🍀✨️
For a first poem, I have to say I am impressed! This poem beautifully contrasts the natural world with personal identity. keep up the good work pen pal!
Thanks sooo much. Appreciate it
your welcome!
This is absolutely beautiful. And for your first poem it's actually too good. I like how you make reference to the creator
Thank you veryy muchh
This was the first poem i ever wrote, i spent weeks trying to perfect it, even thought its short, it means a lot to me. Because its what inspired me to continue writing in the first place, and its the reason that i know that i am capable of such thing. Now idk how perfect it really is, i wrote it a long time ago and i held onto it, i. Didn’t want to change anything about it, that’s why i posted it here hoping for some honest reviews.