Young Writers Society

Alright, I'll have to agree with highwhitesocks here about how you given this poem a new flavour and twist. It's actually very refreshing to read something different instead of the old boy loves girl. Not that there's anything wrong with those poems, it just loses the impact after a while. So, I'll have to say kudos to you for writing a poem that is totally out of the norm and make it sound good.
Okay, so, I have some suggestions:
1. I think that you could explain why 'she' (sorry, I have no idea whether she is Therese or Isabelle) left. Because I'm sure there's a lot more to the story than 'she left'. Why did she leave? Was there a reason behind it? I think that it'd be nice if you let us know. Don't have to be long. Just a line or two.
2. Also, you have Theres and Isabelle for the title, yet I don't know which is which. I think that letting us know who is who would be nice.
Okay, so there are my suggestions. Don't have to follow them, they're just suggestions. Overall, good job on writing the poem, it was a different poem. But a good kind of different. Keep it up!

Whoa. This is weird, yet encapturing and something that kept me reading. It has a feel at the beginning that things will not go smoothly, which gets the reader to think. I really liked it. One thing - it has a slight arkward feel that may bother readers - but it doesn't bother me. This wasn't aimed at you, Butterfingers, just a general comment. Overall, great work! I enjoyed it alot.
Keep Writing!
funkypanda X

It started with my hair, and progressed to a kiss
It started with me loving her and ended up like this #FF0000 ">Interesting how, instead of saying you loved each other, it feels like a one sided love, kind of destined to end.

The way her beautiful body gleamed,
In the pure white light.

The way she made me moan and scream
In the middle of the night #FF0000 ">No comment

Her skin was soft and lovely, as I kissed her everywhere
Her eyes were focused and on me, as I ran my fingers through her hair

Everything was a big blur of tongue#FF0000 ">,and passion and flesh
The way she moaned so softly when I kissed her breast #FF0000 ">Nice rhyming!

In the sweet, sweet morning, I woke up in her arms
I was#FF0000 ">Wrapped a thousand times, in her love, her looks, and charms

Sadly when we parted, she left, still my best friend
I didn't know it'd be the last time, I never ever saw her again.

Now that's more like it! See, we can all be buddies and get along peacefully SOCKS to the rescue, haha.

Don't apologize. I was a jerk. I should have listened to my inner reviewer instead of my demon angel. Give me a few mins and I'll give you a professional review!

Also, HIGHWHITESOCKS, the poem was referring to a storyline from a really old book.... it ended sadly. Originally the poem was simply about two girls being in love, but as I looked for a way to end it, I took reference to that movie.

Butterfinger, I'm sorry. That was really immature. I just was a bit shocked because I worked really hard and I got a rude response. If you had given me pointers on how to make it less "awkward" I wouldn't feel like you were immature, but again, that was immature of me. I apologize.

HIGHWHITESOCKS! I really enjoyed your post. (hoping you're really not just a creepy guy, I'll take your word) I think I just let my personal beliefs get in the way of reading this for the great lit. as you say it is. Thanks for that!

Now this is something new! How refreshing to see a love poem that's about two girls, and not a boy and a girl. I mean, I love a classic love poem, but this is really a new flavor, and I like it. Now before we go thinking things about me, I'm not a creepy guy who's just reading this for...you know. It's very good literature, and I think it's very interesting; a good take on an old idea. Details now...

The way her beautiful body gleamed,
In the pure white light.

The way she made me moan and scream
In the middle of the night

Her skin was soft and lovely, as I kissed her everywhere
Her eyes were focused and on me, as I ran my fingers through her hair

Everything was a big blur of tongue and passion and flesh
The way she moaned so softly when I kissed her breast

In the sweet, sweet morning, I woke up in her arms
I was wrapped a thousand times, in her love, her looks, and charms

Wait a minute, you're calling me immature? Wow, that right there is immature. You don't even know me. I was just giving my opinion and you start calling names. You're not going to like all the responses you get. Grow up and accept it. Have a nice day!

well, it wasnt made for immature people

I found this a little disturbing. Actually, a lot. I don't even know why I read it, or am commenting now, but it's just awkward. That's all I have to say. Awkward.