Dasie was so happy that at last her summer vacations were started.She was so exited that she was going] to her aunt to stay.She loved to stay there a lot because there were many books to read and her aunt had a dog too and also a huge garden to play there.
Therefore,the day came when she was to visit her aunt.They traveled by their own car and her mother left her to her aunt and went away.Her aunt was waiting for her.She took Dasie to her room and they talked a lot there.Then she went in their lawn to play with the dog whose name was Ricky.
Her aunt was also sitting there reading a book.While playing Dasie noticed that in front of their house their was a tower.She had not saw that first.She asked her aunt that whose tower is it.Her aunt said that it is just built but no one stays here.Dasie was shocked by listening it.
That tower seemed to be haunted but Dasie was so exited to know about it.She thought that she will go there and know about it.She was thinking for a plan to go there,then her aunt said that don't think of going there because till now who has gone there that person had a high fever and because of that fever many of them had died.The doctor said that it was not a viral fever!It was a fever because that person must have saw anything there which is really dangerous.
Dasie could not stop herself from thinking about that tower.Dasie loved adventures a lot so she decided to go there late night when everyone is fast asleep.She made a plan to go there.She decided the next night she will go there so she packed her bag."some things like a rope,a knife ,a black outfit so that no one could notice her and other useful things". With all these packed in a bag she went that night there.
She went to the door of that tower .As she was to touch the door the the door opened itself.
Dasie was so happy that at last her summer vacations were started.She was so exited that she was going to her aunt to stay.She loved to stay there a lot because there were many books to read and her aunt had a dog too and also a huge garden to play there.
Therefore,the day came when she was to visit her aunt.They traveled by their own car and her mother left her to her aunt and went away.Her aunt was waiting for her.She took Dasie to her room and they talked a lot there.Then she went in their lawn to play with the dog whose name was Ricky.
Her aunt was also sitting there reading a book.While playing Dasie noticed that in front of their house their was a tower.She had not saw that first.She asked her aunt that whose tower is it.Her aunt said that it is just built but no one stays here.Dasie was shocked by listening it.
That tower seemed to be haunted but Dasie was so exited to know about it.She thought that she will go there and know about it.She was thinking for a plan to go there,then her aunt said that don't think of going there because till now who has gone there that person had a high fever and because of that fever many of them had died.The doctor said that it was not a viral fever!It was a fever because that person must have saw anything there which is really dangerous.
Dasie could not stop herself from thinking about that tower.Dasie loved adventures a lot so she decided to go there late night when everyone is fast asleep.She packed her bag and soon the next night came and Dasie went to the door of that tower.
As she was to open that door that door opened itself.Dasie shocked but thought that it must be wind.Inside it was full dark.Dasie lighted a torch and went inside.As she went on,the door got locked itself.Dasie got a bit afraid but moved on.As she went forward the candles in the chamber got lighted.Dasie thought something is strange here.Front there were stairs and above there were many rooms.She moved on.She climbed the stairs.Above there was a beautiful red carpet on the floor. because of the lights of the candle huge shadows of different objects caste on that red carpet which seemed so horrible.
Dasie started walking again.As she walked "the terrible noise of footsteps walked behind her".
As she stop the noise too stopped,the noise coming behind her too stopped.She again started walking.The voice too again started behind her.Dasie thought”someone is coming behind me.”She stopped and turned behind but no one was there.She thought it must be my under fear that’s why I must have heared it.But as she moved front a skeleton came in front of her.” It was just horrible.The blood was to flowing from the skull and there was only one eye in the eyehole.The skeleton had wore a dark black coloured cloth which covered it body.”It said Dasie “what are you doing here and who gave you the permission to enter my tower.Get out of here otherwise I will kill you!You just “GET OUT OF HERE”!It screamed out to Dasie.
Dasie got frightened a lot and ran away toward the stairs.She had never saw a ghost and she didn’t used to believe in such things.She kept on running and in front of her up was a room.She was running towards that room and soon reached there.
Dasie tried a lot to open that door but couldn’t open it.There the skeleton was to reach Dasie and there was no other way for dasie to run anywhere else.While the skeleton was running towards her she noticed a slight shadow and while that skeleton was running, because of the cloth[the cloth came in between]and it fallen down and inside it there was a man. Dasie took out the rope from her bag and then she tied him up and ran to the nearest police station and then the police caught him.
Actually that man was a robber who used to frightened the people who came there and then used to take all the money and expensive things from them. The police locked him and they put him in the car. Then police told Dasie that she had done a very brave work. They also told her that they’ll also post her photograph in the newspaper.
Atlast the mystery of the tower was solved but she thought that what must be behind that locked room upstairs. She saw towards the window of that room and saw a slight shadow of a ghost again!
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Before I do my review I'd like to stat off by welcoming you to YWS I noticed you joined 4 days ago. Now, to start, the concept is evident. But there's many things as far as grammar and idea development that can be improved upon. For starters, in the first sentence where you wrote "her summer vacations were started", instead of were it should be "her summer vacation had started." Also, throughout this story, a lot of your sentences can be condensed. Some of them have unnecessary words added that don't have to be there and can be shortened by either placing some words with punctuation or just getting rid of some of them. Don't take away from the meaning of your sentences by using filler words that aren't needed. Another thing I'd like to point out is that this part "She was thinking for a plan to go there,then her aunt said that don't think of going there because till now who has gone there that person had a high fever and because of that fever many of them had died.The doctor said that it was not a viral fever!It was a fever because that person must have saw anything there which is really dangerous" was slightly confusing. I know not everyone writes for the intent of "perfection", that's why I'm not being too picky. But if you would like to revise this later on, you can take my suggestions or others. But you absolutely aren't obligated to do so. As a writer, you have to freedom to pen/type whatever you please without other's consent. Keep that in mind and never get discouraged! This story has potential but like all great things could use some hard work.
Long live the Writer's legacy,
happiestw1t1ng23
Ok so I will start by saying I liked your story, now to the problems. I'm bad at proper punctuation myself, but your periods and quotations were all over the place where they don't belong. I don't think I saw a single comma, all the quotations were to soon or to late to make sense. Some places you didn't put a space after periods. I also noticed your first part of the story was put in twice. There is just a ton of mistakes of punctuation, grammar and typos. I would suggest rewriting the whole thing. I liked it, but if you fixed all the mistakes it would be a lot better.
please donate me 350 points i have to do a new work and i dont have points.so please.i request you
I can donate points?
yes please
I didn't know that, never tried or been asked to. :O