Young Writers Society

This was an amazing poem very insightful and deep swirling with great imagery. I liked how you broke up your verses. great word choices. There where many lines that i liked such aaaaaas.

I can see harsh people, bitter truth’s and nature’s anger.
I can see birds which are flying without any shy.
I can see people who are living with invisible chains.
Then I realized
That I can see anything until my imagination begins.
What will happen if I don’t see??I mean with my eyes.

I can see it but i will advice don't use double punctuation.

I also liked......

I belongs to a kind which believes human should have all emotions and feelings.
I don’t want to live as a emotionally handicapped.
I don’t want to live as a person who don’t know the taste of achievement got through pain.
I don't want to enjoy happiness with out knowing the taste of sadness.
I want to live here.
I love this world (however it is in reality)
Because i belongs to this place.

You used amazing imagery through out even with the minimal amount of words.
Keep up the great work!

This poem is deep, I really enjoyed reading it.
Imagery is on point, I could really get the visual of everything.
I also like how you didn't try and make every word rhyme,
Yet everything still makes sense. Keep writing, I enjoy your work.
I like how you correlate your own life to the beauties and horrors of this world.
Continue writing, its inspiring.

I really enjoyed this. Thank you:)

Hi there, I'm Phoenix and I'm going to be review your poem today. First off I'm going to tell you all the things I like about this poem, so be prepared! Poetry about nature is always really great, because nature is beautiful, and all of us living beings as a whole need to appreciate it more. Then it turns into something about how there's no perfection in the world, which is a common theme, and it can work well. Then it turns to depression, and this is where I'm going to have to start being a little harsh.

I'm going to start at the beginning of the poem and see what happens, let's go. First off, the first line says you can see through your "eye", which is probably meant to say "eyes". That's also a one line stanza, which you have only one of in the whole poem, which is sloppy and un-appealing, you could add it to the stanza after, or take it out completely. Moving on to the second stanza, it begins; "Blue sky, green trees and WOW!!", that is not a good beginning to a stanza, or anything in that matter. You say what there is, but you don't in anyway describe it. You need to use imagery instead of just simply stating whats there, this is literature, not a friendly conversation. I would replace that with something more along the lines of,
The faint aqua kissed atmosphere, rustling deep green leaves, oh the beauty." or something a long those lines. You really need to apply that to the whole poem, honestly, you didn't use imagery, you just but statements, your poem is basically a bunch of bland statements, if you used descriptive language, it would work out better.
"What will happen if I don’t see??I mean with my eyes.

I closed my eyes."

That whole thing right there, those two lines, they sound- just not good. Try something more like "I wondered silently to myself,
"How would it be to see-
see with no eyes?".
Use something that doesn't directly say what you mean, just get the point across, but also paint an artistic picture with your words.

Another thing I caught is that each line is a full sentence, break those up into others lines, remember a new line doesn't mean a pause in words, only if there's a comma or a period.

Lastly, your ideas about beauty, perfection, and depression need to be tied together more closely, each idea needs to reflect off the other, and you need to put more into making them go together. The poem is all over the place with those ideas. I think you need to look at this: viewforum.php?f=152 go through them and learn more about poetry, and what kind of literary tool it is.

This piece has a lot of potential, but seems to need a lot of work! I'm always available to talk about poetry with you, shoot me a message if you ever want to talk about poetry or have any questions!

Keep writing, and never give up!

- Phoenix Xander