In winters ,2003.
their was a cold snow falling,
there lived a boy called Edwin with his family, he was a good boy
he had to study all the time and he loved to.
one morning he felt very hot as if it totally hightempreture then he switched on all the ac
in his house,he felt more hot so he took all his sweaters off,then he realized that it is
winter season. He was just thinking how is it ever possible,suddenly the the door opened and his friends called him out.
every one was dancing and enjoying that day ,Edwin got surprised when his parents told him it was sun's birthday,and it came onces in 80 years so they celebrated it nicely and had fun
in the sun , or it's birthday.
the end
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So this was a sweet little piece. Definitely brought a smile to my face and it seems to be a really cool little idea that the Sun itself could also have a birthday like that and it would have that sort of effect on the climate. Loved the creativity there to come up with something that I never heard of or thought of there and you presented it in a short but still pretty nice way.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this was a pretty interesting little piece. Now because its such a short one I just put the whole thing in a quote and I will just rad all at once. So first of all I've highlighted a couple of places where you have forgotten to hit space. Can happen to anyone but you'll have to fix those. And there's one mistake there. That word should be once. Other than that there's a severed formatting issue but I think that one has more to do with the fact that it was copied in here and then not edited so you should probably be fixing that.
So to the story itself, well its really, really simple but there is actually somewhat of a recognizable plot and a character so I think this is actually not bad at all. It feels just a little bit like a summary but for the most part its doing its job wonderfully and I think the idea of the Sun having a birthday and it becoming hot because of that even though its winter is a really cool little idea. Good Job there and points for that creativity.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: This was a pretty neat little short that you had here. I really enjoyed reading it and it was surprisingly good for something that was so short and seemed like a really rushed piece.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi Sana! Welcome to YWS!!!
. Here goes...
I noticed your new here, so I decided to review your work
First of all, your title is a representative of your work so if it or any part of it is misspelled, people won't really be interested in reading it. Apart from that I believe it should be written "An Amazing Birthday". Then, "In winters 2003" I don't think its grammatically correct neither is "hightempreture". "Temperature" is wrongly spelt and there should be a space after "high". "all the ac" is also wrong; it shouln't be "more hot" rather "hotter".
When talking about winter I doubt if its necessary to write "season" afterwards. "the the door" i'm guessing was supposed to be "then the door" as well as "or its birthday" to be "on its birthday". Lastly, the structure of your work made it look like a poem, when its actually a story.
You obviously are a very creative writer, the direction your story took shows that. I think you should settle down and write it again. Give it more body and make it a sound story. You'll be amazed at what a fantastic masterpiece you'll mold!
Happy writing.