Pollution
Yesterday when i went to the fish market,
There was noise like a flying rocket.
There was a huge crowd and their loud voice,
Now thats whats called the pollution of noise.
The seas and rivers have become the gutter,
All because of pollution of water.
Nobody cares about water pollution,
But we want a solution.
Everywhere in this world there is pollution of air,
Why nobody takes care ?
we have fun with toys,but made from factories with pollution of air,
And then this air is what we cannot bear.
oh! the Global warming,
Air,water and noise pollution are harming.
So we should keep the world green,
And from pollution always clean!
THE END.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi, Sana
The pronoun I should always be capitalized, because it's a proper noun. A comma would be in place after yesterday.
You should strengthen this simile. It's pretty boring right now. Was the noise gradual? How about dramatizing this, saying something more exciting like, "noise ripped the silence apart like a rocket", or something that allows us to visualize the manner in which said event occurs.
Voices.
That's; you need the contraction to say that is. Similarly, whats should be what's -- why not simply say noise pollution?
There is no transition from noise pollution to water pollution; your subject changes, and your style changes as well. My advice to you is to let these gradually lead up to one another and drop a subtle hint before you swing into the next topic.
Don't worry about making your poetry rhyme, dear!
You should elaborate on global warming here. Again, don't worry about rhyme, what's more important is that it makes sense. Try not to exclaim so much, as well.
Best of luck
June
Hey there! I'm Ben.
May i suggest a thorough edit? For grammar, punctuation and mis-types.
Anyway, the content! Like Firestarter has mentioned the way you've religiously kept to the rhyming scheme hasn't quite worked and I think you should free style your poetry more. Here it hasn't worked because you've caused a typo and made the line not make any sense because of the "need-to-rhyme"...
I feel an "s" is needed on the end of voice because there's an urge for it to be plural, but then it doesn't tie in with the rest and it's all very confusing. Sorry if I'm being harsh.
What I particularly can't grasp with this poem is the narrative. I think you need to rebel more with it, give it some rhythm. It sounds more dull and info-dumped than artistic, poetic or mysterious. Revise your works more and we should see massive improvements! Otherwise good try!
Very good message as well by the way!
Keep writing - Ben.
Next time you can just edit your first post, rather than double post, makes it easier!
You have a lot of problems with punctuation and general typos that I'm going to ignore. What I'm going to comment on is this strangely infuriating pattern of all newish poets thinking they have to use an AABB rhyming scheme like that's the only thing going.
You don't need to, and it's dragging your poem down by trying to rhyme rocket and market, harming and warming, and simply using air twice in the same stanza.
Saying that, it's a good topic to write about. Hope you can produce something more adventurous soon.
sorry in the second stanza i wrote takes 2 times pls ignore it!