Young Writers Society

This poem is one of my personal favourites. The way you have expressed the emotions are very nice. The arrangement is great and the length of your sentences also. My favourite lines are:
You became a friend,
The closest I ever had,
The feeling of losing you,
I'll never forget.
You have done a excellent job and I look forward to reading more of your work.
-Anshira

I really LOVE this poem. The emotion inside it just fills me with familiarity because its exactly how I feel everyday.
These types of love are the most complicated ones, because it's hard to balance the feeling of being just a friend or more than a friend.
"When you came near ,
My heart would stop beating ,
When you spoke ,"
I loved this stanza because it's the nicest feeling for me when my heart stops beating, but it's also the scariest feeling ever because it sucks when it ends.
I really felt a connection with this poem emotionally, and this is down to the way in which it is beautifully written.
Well done, i want you to write more please.

The best poetry comes from the heart. One thing you can do is empower your work with some punctuation and structuring things. I see what you tried to do with the commas, but there are ways to allow the poem to flow more fluently like full stops as someone mentioned already. I don't think there is any right or wrong way to write poetry, but there are mechanisms to make them work better and read more seamlessly. This is such a bittersweet poem and I hope you continue to write from your heart.

Hi, this poem of yours sums up realising you have feelings for someone close to you, really well. Reading this made me feel as if I was being punched in the face with a surprising reality, as you may have felt when you felt these feelings yourself. I appreciate that you wrote in a traditional style of poetry, and didn't blab on too much like some writers do sometimes (even myself!).

Nice job.

hey!

what a great writing style you have! quite impressive. now where your stuff needs a hand:

1] don't use commas in every line.
2] somewhere use (.) full stops.
3] full stop(s) will give your work a nicey look.

Now, the areas where your work impressed me:

1] Very nice and trendy language.
2] the emotions, you used here were too good.
3] you gave the reader very sweet and mellifluous feeling.
4] in my opinion you tried to give your cent percent, that is quite appreciable.


overall your work is awesome. good job! keep writing!

Hi,

Firstly, I thought the emotion you expressed in this poem was great! I knew it was not just about a friend. You got your message so simply, it was amazing, and seemed almost effortless, which is really good in a writer.

I thought that the first half of your poem didn't flow as well as the second half. Maybe rhyming words could help you in this poem. Also you used a lot of commas, try using more punctuation like full stops, or maybe letting some sentences run on. E.x

"The feeling I felt,
when I first met you
was the most magical."

It just flows better I think, but that might just be me.


Also, just a small technical fault, after a comma, there is not a capitalization, so watch out for that. It'll get you!

All in all I liked it, keep writing, I would enjoy to read more of you work.