Loneliness

Hi samrockz,

I'd like to start by saying I think choosing 'loneliness' as the subject of your poem was a great idea. Often times, writers base their poem on ideas that only they personally can relate to, which can make for a difficult task as the reader. For this reason, I respect that you choose a universal subject which almost all human beings can relate to. However, I feel like the poem refers to a pain more intense than mere loneliness. When I think of being alone, I think of extreme longing to have a companion, a friend, or a boyfriend for example by your side. It seems you explored a deeper internal pain which for me, conjured up ideas of someone mourning. That being said, everyone has different views of such subjects. You are a great writer. Keep writing!

Hi there!

I hope this loneliness is just in the writing and not in you. If it is form your own experience then know that you really aren't alone, we all get that feeling but people will always be there for you.


Now to your poetry review:
Your poem really does send chills down my spine.
However I have a few criticisms that the previous reviewers have highlighted.

*You don't need all those commas! A lot of your lines don't need punctuation as they flow straight onto each other.
lines that don't need the comma:
"I CAN FEEL IT CHANGE,
ME INSIDE OUT." -This would be perfect without the comma
"THE HAPPINESS I HAD,
DISAPPEARS FAST" - same with this one, the comma in fact makes it sound bad.
*"LONELINESS EATEN ME UP" it either has to be changed to "Loneliness has eaten me up" or "loneliness is eating me up".
*"HAS LEFT ME NOW" should be 'have'


You have the ability to draw a vivid picture of loneliness and I salute you for that. But if you follow mine and the other users critiques then your work will be the best it can be.

Hope I have helped PM me if you need anymore advice.

Hi sam!

Firstly a quick note is next time please don't capitalise the whole thing because it make the VOICE IN MY HEAD SHOUT AS I READ IT. Anyways, I'll move swiftly onto the review and start with the things I liked. I could really feel the emotion coming through with this and it seems to have a very personal touch which is good.

My first suggestion is about the punctuation, and something I learnt more recently myself is you don't actually need a pause after every line break. Sometimes starting on a new line already indicated that a pause has happened. So I suggest you read this out loud, and add in a comma, full stop, semi-colon etc when you feel that there is a natural pause. Some poetry doesn't even include that much punctuation in it, but I guess that's up to you.

Also, I agree that this poem right now doesn't really speak to me either, because it seems almost a bit too personal. It's always good to add your own touch to things, but to speak to a wider audience you need to have a kinda of voice which communicates to others. And it's not even your topic because I'm sure everyone has felt lonely at one point or another, so maybe you can try talking about more mutually-felt things.

I think it's alright not to have stanza's and a rhyme scheme because there aren't actually that many rules with poetry that you have to follow as strictly as with prose but I do suggest that you read other poems to see what they're like too. Just looking around on the internet or at poetry anthologies can really help .

Overall, this poem is cool and has loads of potential. I suggest taking a look at other poetry, there are also some great Poetry Tutorials here on YWS you could take a look at if you want. I hope this review helped, feel free to PM me with any questions you have or if you'd like another review on anything.

Keep writing!
~ArcticMonkey x

Hey. Runawaylove here to review your poem!

First of all, I prefer plain black text with font size 10 or 11. Italics should be used only to emphasize a word, phrase or sentence. Also,the whole poem is written in capital letters and I guess you have used Bold as well. I'm sorry to say this but the poem looks clumsy and out of place specially the last line. This is actually a very very short poem with really short sentences.

Now the poem didn't reach out to me. I didn't feel any emotions rushing through myself while reading this. A poem should have a rhyming scheme and it should be divided into stanzas. You did not use imagery which is really important in a poem. One should be able to picturise something or feel the emotions while reading a poem.

Apart from these, there are some grammatical errors.

"THE PEOPLE I LOVE ,
HAS LEFT ME NOW"

People is plural so it will be 'have' instead of 'has'.

"LONELINESS EATEN ME UP"

It should be "Loneliness HAS eaten me up." But I really don't like this line.

Well, I think you should be more expressive when you write something. The reader should be able to relate to the poem and feel the emotions that inspired you to write a certain piece. The formatting was VERY distracting. Try to avoid that. Make your sentences longer and more expressive. Try to follow a rhyming scheme and make stanzas. If you have any questions or if you need any kind of help, please PM me. I know I sound very harsh but the first step of being a writer starts from the ability of taking criticisms. It was a fair attempt and the more you write the better you get. So keep writing!