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We'll Go On

by sakeofvanity05

A wine-red blaze of garnet haze

Candlelit flares and sunset tears

An effulge of ruffled gauze

Twirling in a cave of jaws

A taunting caper peeked into

A chasm’s crack of skylight spew

Tiptoes in the mouth of peril

Gaping wide, to front the wrestle

She dove and plowed through deathly fumes

Gambling a path into her tomb

Embracing what she knew was doom

And swept into a charred cloakroom

A show of valiant fearlessness

Combating something merciless

Clumped groves aflame, thickets untamed

Smothered and slaughtered, lives it claimed

A glowing havoc scorched, ransacked

And left not but an artifact

Asleep, its net of cinders filter

Through my head, stars adrift with glitter

But more a fiery litter set alight, haywire

Inferno trails stalk me into my nightmare fires

I see the ruche of smolders torch

And torrent up walls of a gorge

The ruffled, tousled purfles

Are rings and fire circles

Vibrant and raving whistles

Erupt and kindle missiles

Flutterings and flickers, with a razed vendetta

Like an apricot, diaphanous taffeta

Enveloped domes, disheveled drapes

Swathed in a latticework of capes

They soar and rise, and sear the skies

From underneath my shuttered eyes

And in my wake, they haunt me still

Never can I outrun their shrills

And right before she plunged

into the woodlands howling danger

I bellowed out to her

as if all else was but a stranger:

“My love, the world could be in ruins

And crumbling down, erasing humans

But if half of me were to perish

I’d ache and pine for time to cherish

You, my other piece to fit me whole,

A fractured and clean-cut severed soul

My heart, it would disintegrate

If fate had gone incinerate

Our bind, in which defeats all strife

Love, we’ll go on after this life

Is this a review?



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Points: 370
Reviews: 2

Mon Jul 19, 2021 1:42 am
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mxrgan wrote a review...

Hi! I’m sort of new to this, and this is my first review so I’m sorry if this isn’t much, but I would just like to say that this poem was wonderful. And I’m not just saying that. I was taken back quite honestly because the rhyming scheme and the imagery was so advanced that I would have never expected someone so young to write this and that is why after reading this, I was left to be both intrigued and impressed. I don’t know what inspired you to write this, but whatever it was, I believe it did its job so I hope you continue on writing. Have a good day:)

sakeofvanity05 says...

thank you for reviewing my work :} I'm happy to know you found it intriguing!

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60 Reviews

Points: 1763
Reviews: 60

Sun Jul 18, 2021 5:33 pm
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LizzyTyler wrote a review...

Good morning, evening, afternoon, night, or any other form of greeting somewhat based on the time of day. Anyway , onto the review.

I really loved your poem! It flows very nicely, with an unpredictable and yet consistent rhyme scheme, if that makes any sense. Speaking of rhyme schemes, a few of your rhymes, especially in the first paragraph seem to be skewed. Like when it says “A wine-red blaze of garnet haze/Candlelit flares and sunset tears” based on how the rest of the paragraph’s rhyme scheme plays out, you might want to have the last words of the two lines rhyme. But , of course, feel free to ignore me, if you were going for something else.

In the fifth and sixth line of the first paragraph, “A taunting caper peeked into/A chasm’s crack of skylight spew”, you might want to change the word into, to through, so that it rhymes better, but that’s just my opinion.

My favorite line in the poem is the first and second lines of the second to last paragraph. “They soar and rise, and sear the skies/From underneath my shuttered eyes” There is a lot of imagery in just those two lines, and the rhyme scheme *chefs kiss*

Really loved your poem! Hope to see more of your work around soon!


sakeofvanity05 says...

thank you for your feedback! :}}}

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Points: 72
Reviews: 1

Sun Jul 18, 2021 4:07 pm
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xMuserQueenx wrote a review...

Wow! What a fantastic poem - well done. I love your use of nature imagery, it really allows you to immerse yourself within your work, and for audiences to connect their own experiences of romantic relationships, regardless of their ages, to the poem. My favourite line is "You, my other piece to fit me whole", as you really capture the strength of love and the feelings which an individual can grow to develop over time. If I wrote this, I would certainly be extremely proud - you clearly are a very talented writer and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future, well done :)

sakeofvanity05 says...

thank you vv much !! I am sadly not well versed in romance... quite at all, in fact, but I'm glad it gave off the impression of what I was going for: a longingness shared between soulmates - particularly expressed through the one left behind in the surface world :) while the other is patiently waiting in the afterlife for them to meet once more <3

Hearing these stories makes me realize that I never did anything with my childhood.
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