A wine-red blaze of garnet haze
Candlelit flares and sunset tears
An effulge of ruffled gauze
Twirling in a cave of jaws
A taunting caper peeked into
A chasm’s crack of skylight spew
Tiptoes in the mouth of peril
Gaping wide, to front the wrestle
She dove and plowed through deathly fumes
Gambling a path into her tomb
Embracing what she knew was doom
And swept into a charred cloakroom
A show of valiant fearlessness
Combating something merciless
Clumped groves aflame, thickets untamed
Smothered and slaughtered, lives it claimed
A glowing havoc scorched, ransacked
And left not but an artifact
Asleep, its net of cinders filter
Through my head, stars adrift with glitter
But more a fiery litter set alight, haywire
Inferno trails stalk me into my nightmare fires
I see the ruche of smolders torch
And torrent up walls of a gorge
The ruffled, tousled purfles
Are rings and fire circles
Vibrant and raving whistles
Erupt and kindle missiles
Flutterings and flickers, with a razed vendetta
Like an apricot, diaphanous taffeta
Enveloped domes, disheveled drapes
Swathed in a latticework of capes
They soar and rise, and sear the skies
From underneath my shuttered eyes
And in my wake, they haunt me still
Never can I outrun their shrills
And right before she plunged
into the woodlands howling danger
I bellowed out to her
as if all else was but a stranger:
“My love, the world could be in ruins
And crumbling down, erasing humans
But if half of me were to perish
I’d ache and pine for time to cherish
You, my other piece to fit me whole,
A fractured and clean-cut severed soul
My heart, it would disintegrate
If fate had gone incinerate
Our bind, in which defeats all strife
Love, we’ll go on after this life
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140,871 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
Hi! I’m sort of new to this, and this is my first review so I’m sorry if this isn’t much, but I would just like to say that this poem was wonderful. And I’m not just saying that. I was taken back quite honestly because the rhyming scheme and the imagery was so advanced that I would have never expected someone so young to write this and that is why after reading this, I was left to be both intrigued and impressed. I don’t know what inspired you to write this, but whatever it was, I believe it did its job so I hope you continue on writing. Have a good day:)
thank you for reviewing my work :} I'm happy to know you found it intriguing!
Good morning, evening, afternoon, night, or any other form of greeting somewhat based on the time of day. Anyway , onto the review.
I really loved your poem! It flows very nicely, with an unpredictable and yet consistent rhyme scheme, if that makes any sense. Speaking of rhyme schemes, a few of your rhymes, especially in the first paragraph seem to be skewed. Like when it says “A wine-red blaze of garnet haze/Candlelit flares and sunset tears” based on how the rest of the paragraph’s rhyme scheme plays out, you might want to have the last words of the two lines rhyme. But , of course, feel free to ignore me, if you were going for something else.
In the fifth and sixth line of the first paragraph, “A taunting caper peeked into/A chasm’s crack of skylight spew”, you might want to change the word into, to through, so that it rhymes better, but that’s just my opinion.
My favorite line in the poem is the first and second lines of the second to last paragraph. “They soar and rise, and sear the skies/From underneath my shuttered eyes” There is a lot of imagery in just those two lines, and the rhyme scheme *chefs kiss*
Really loved your poem! Hope to see more of your work around soon!
-Lizzy
thank you for your feedback! :}}}
Hi,
Wow! What a fantastic poem - well done. I love your use of nature imagery, it really allows you to immerse yourself within your work, and for audiences to connect their own experiences of romantic relationships, regardless of their ages, to the poem. My favourite line is "You, my other piece to fit me whole", as you really capture the strength of love and the feelings which an individual can grow to develop over time. If I wrote this, I would certainly be extremely proud - you clearly are a very talented writer and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future, well done
thank you vv much !! I am sadly not well versed in romance... quite at all, in fact, but I'm glad it gave off the impression of what I was going for: a longingness shared between soulmates - particularly expressed through the one left behind in the surface world
while the other is patiently waiting in the afterlife for them to meet once more <3