Published July 2, 2009
I keep humming each day,
Looking at the path you may take one day.
Knowing deep in my heart…
That you would come looking for me
And sweep me into your arms.
I see your handsome face each day,
Or do I trace its outline in my imagination?
I feel your eyes look at me…
With undying love
My heart skipping a beat begins to croon.
I sense your presence…
even with my eyes closed.
And then I see…
A familiar smile,
A magnificent stature,
My heart beats faster at every step
You make the world seem so beautiful that…
I keep humming each day.
The air feels cold,
And the sun so stunning,
The trees seem to beckon me,
To the road that leads to the stars.
The touch of the rain-drops makes me shudder,
And the doves make me sing.
I keep humming each day.
Then one day, I believe,
I shall see the dust rise on the dusty road
And the path will lead you only to me,
I would see you there on a white-horse
Trudging softly towards me.
I feel all my dreams coming true,
I feel so loved,
I feel so special,
Just the thought of you…
You…my knight in the shining armor.
I keep staring at the way
And just keep humming each day…
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Heyloo. Je vais reviewer.
You need something other that 'day'. Words rhyme with themselves, of course, but where's the skill in that?
I like this bit. Perchance get rid of the '...' after heart because it's not really necessary. But that is just pnickityness.
My heart, skipping a beat, begins to croon. I'm not sure WHY but there is some grammatical reason why you need these commas. Promise.
You do seem to '...' binge in this. None of them are really needed; they just kind of slow the poem down.
I LOVE THIS BIT. JE T'AIME!! It's so pretty.
Isn't it armour?? Or is this the american spelling?>
Yeah. So. I like this poem. It's nice. There's some really pretty stuff in here. xxxx
Hey!
I agree with FLyerS. I'm not positive, but I think you're talking about a soulmate, aren't you?
I thought this was a bit redundant; however, I thought this piece flowed very well. Even if you say it a little too much, it fits in with the poem.
I also agree with dogs; maybe you should take out the second "you"?
Great poem! Keep up the good work!!!!
Over and out.
zOe
hey dogs here
I really liked this poem, even though i am not a big fan of love stories, i think this was still very good, the only line that i didn't like was in the second to last stanza when you say "just the thought of you, you my knight in shining armor" mmm, i like this but i think it sounds bad, perhaps taking out the second "you" and adding a comma after the first "you".
apart from that i really like this piece, it flows great and i really like the discription, i may not like love stories but i think that this was a very rare exception
TuckEr EllsowrTh
No, no, rlw92, I don't think that's what it was about at all. I think, if you will forgive me if I am incorrect, saily.kiwalkar, that this poem is more about waiting for your soul make. <3 and all that.
when she says:
I enjoyed that mate. The only thing i would say is that it was all hunky dory all the way through you should maybe have some doubts and stuff whether he likes you or not show his character more describe the surroundings you see him in maybe if you see him in school or work and write a few lil catchy lines about the chemistry beetween both of you maybe like
when you tell a joke i smile
reminds me of why lifes worthwhile
daydreams in school where me and you we fly
oh how i wish, i wish you were mine
Yea i aint the best but try something like that man maybe just to add a bit of detail in which i like lols.