Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
I see you have already gotten some really helpful reviews, so I apologize beforehand if mine comes off as a bit repetitive!
The first thing I noticed about this story was its very short length. It made me really curious as well, as I could not understand how a story can be concluded so shortly. I liked the simple descriptions that helped establish the one scene, and I enjoyed the overall light-hearted feel to the story.
The grey clouds were over the blue skies.
I liked the contradiction you have painted here through the use of colors. By putting, 'grey clouds' in the same sentence as 'blue skies', you have not only presented a very interesting imagery but you have created a very unique picture by putting two contrasting elements together. I was unsure whether to put more focus on the 'grey clouds' or the 'blue skies' while recreating the scene in my head, and I like how this goes a long way in justifying your initial claim of the day being 'unusual.
The trees green with leaves.
Here we have another use of color and I have come to realize that color after all plays an important role in the story. You have already painted a particular picture in our mind with the use of 'grey clouds' in the previous sentence. In this scenario, our brain automatically paints the picture of a typical cloudy day, where everything is heavy and dark. However, then we have the sudden influx of the color 'green' and it upsets this image in our head, building once again, another new contrast.
However, it smelt nice and fresh outside.
Something very unique about this story, is how each sentence contradicts the very next one. First, you mention that the trees are green with leaves, painting once again a very bright picture. But then you proceed to claim that it smells nice and fresh outside, in a surprising kind of way that implies that may be it wasn't supposed to smell so nice and fresh outside. It confuses the readers because you put something expected in a very nonchalantly unexpected manner, so that they are forced to question, shouldn't it have smelt nice and fresh outside? What was it supposed to be like instead?
And I loved you…. I still do…
You establish the presence and the importance of this 'someone else' in the narrator's life very simply in the story. They do not require an introduction, and the mere mention of them in the story feels like something the narrator could not help but include. It was as if the narrator was simply observing and appreciating the nature around him/her, when the thoughts of this 'someone else' eventually snuck in to make them brighter and better. The one line at the end was heart-felt and I could feel the emotion it contained. As someone else pointed out, it held a kind of nostalgia that made me feel as if things did not work out between the two of them, and the last three words were spoken in regret. Or maybe they were spoken in awe, as the narrator could not comprehend that they still had this person in their life. It can be any way you see it.
Overall, this was a nice, short story. My only complaint would be that it was too short to leave that kind of an impression that actually sticks with you. It is a good story to analyze sentence by sentence, but it is not something that your readers would be invested in. If the former was your intention with this story, then you hit the mark. If not, then you could probably add more meaning to this by expanding on the this once scene and adding more emotion.
That's all!
Keep writing and have a great day!
thanks for the review
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