Smile
I walked beneath the starry sky,
Tears trickling down my eyes,
I'd never felt so sad before.
I sat under my favourite tree,
I always went there when I grieved.
But what I saw tonight was hard to believe!
A little face, two twinkling eyes,
A pair of wings and a beautiful smile.
I stared at her, she looked back at me,
With a smile so enchanting,
A smile I'd never seen.
And then she was gone,
Never did I see her again.
But the smile she gave me that day,
Still makes me feel happy and will never fade away.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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I'm a little lost! You mean to say you saw a fairy?!
Well, that's what it seems like. Anyway, I think there are a few things you might wanna check:
There was hardly any rhythm! Since this is lyric poetry, you might want to watch your syllables a bit more. Maybe you should consider splitting them into stanzas as well. There's a lot of corrections on punctuation and capitalization that i may have missed. Let's just rely on future reviews for that!
Anyway, your writing could really use a lot of work. Just keep writing! Practice makes perfect!
Hi. Welcome to YWS!
This is a beautiful poem, and it flows very well. I love;
"A little face, two twinkling eyes,
A pair of wings and a beautiful smile."
and it ends nicely.
I'd make your I's capital, and say either "When I was aggrieved" or "when I grieved." I'd also put a hyphen between "tear" and "stained".
Hope this helps. Feel free to P.M me if you have any questions.
Jas