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Young Writers Society



La Pais bonita (Historical fiction Contest)rough draft

by sabradan


Chicago, IL

2006

Tzipporah Cardoza was helping her mother clear the table from the meal during their passover seder as quickly as possible, so they could finish the rest of the seder.

"Tzippi, motek, go hurry up and bring me whats left of the lamb so I can wrap it up," her mother called to her from the other end of the kitchen.

"Ok, mama" she said, passing through the rest of the large kitchen, her hand passing over the island holding countless bottles of Kosher for Passover wine, appetizers, left over hummus with matzah crackers, and her dad's car keys.

She quickly made her way past her grandfather sitting in a large plush armchair talking with her father, in a heated debate over the current situation in Israel.

"I'm telling you Avi, this cease fire won't work. And it will come back to kick uss in the ass," he was saying to her dad. He quickly broke from the conversation to give her a quick kiss on the forehead. As she passed them on her way to the dining room, she could her them returning to their conversation, when her dad said

"But we are the Jews! We need to present a moral face to the world...not too mention the fact that if we don't, we get condemned even more by the international community, and give the aravim sucio even more ammuniton, by proving that we are warmongering imperialists!"

"Bah!" was all she heard of her grandfathers' response before she was bombarded by screaming and yelling of five of her younger cousins, running around, raising what could only be described as a holy hell. They almost ran over her, running to the back of the house. The oldest, Moshe, was in the lead, carrying his sister Shirah's teddy bear. Shirah ran after him as fast as her tiny five year old legs would carry her screaming "Moshe, give it back!" Following in close succession, were three other of her little cousins, but she couldn't tell exactly which of her many cousins it was, she could only see three brownish-tan skinned blurs hurtling past her screaming and laughing.

When she finally got into the dining room, where a large percentage of her huge extended family--aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, great grandparents, people who didn't know exactly how they were related, but that they were indeed related to her--still sat, just chatting and making "small talk" while they waited for the table to clear and the seder to start up again.

As she grabbed the giant silver tray that held what was left of the roasted lamb they had for dinner she caught a bit of the conversation two of her aunts were having:

"I told you, Leeora, you need to make sure he COMITS! Tell him you want a committed, long-term relationship hopefully leading to marriage, not just some casual fling! I mean, B'ahava HaShem you're 36 years old, and not getting any younger!"

Tzippora's other aunt, aunt Leeora, just nodded knowingly, and smiled at me as I took the lamb away. As she got up to bring it back to the kitchen, she smiled at me, told her to wait and then said to her

"Tzippi, motek, wait a second. Could you be a doll and get me another glass of wine, please? And ask your mother if she needs any help!" she said to her, kissing her forehead. Tzippora just agreed, shaking her head ruefully.

"I have by far the craziest family, even for Jews!" she said to herself as she walked away.

When she got back into the kitchen her mom said to her, in a slightly annoyed tone

"Finally, you're back! I've been wondering where you wandered off too. Dad wants to finish the seder. Go round up your cousins and get them settled down, I'll do this"

Finally, after about 20 minutes of coaxing, proding, begging, and eventually, dragging, of her little cousins back to the seder table, the Cardoza family was ready to finish their Seder.

After about 15 minutes of singing various songs and prayers, the family was finally nearing the end of the seder. The end was in sight! she thought, and none too soon, because she was getting tired. Finally, his father big booming, deep voice finally finished the last lines of the psalm "Eliyahu HaNavi (Elijah the Prophet)", and finally told Tzippora her instructions for participation in the Seder.

"Tzippi," he said "Go open the door for Elijah to come in"

"Thank you, Daddy," she mouthed in a smile. She welcomed the chance to get up, as well the fact that she was getting tired, and always loved participating in the seder, and this for some strange reason, was always her favorite part.

She got up and walked out of the dining room, walking into the living room where there was a large quadruple paned sliding glass door. She went over to it, threw open the latch, removed the door blocker and pulled open the door. All of a sudden, there was a large gust of wind that broke this unusually calm clear May evening. Accompanying the whooshing sound and the hugh gust of wind was a loud noise, that was somewhere between a clank and a whoosh. Tzippora felt her feet leaving the ground and her body spinning all around in circles in the air. She closed her eyes to try and regain what she thought was her sanity, all the while screaming to herself

"Whats happening? I must be hallucinating! This can't be happening to me!"

and then, all of a sudden, just as suddenly as it happened, it stopped. She slowly opened her eyes and didn't recognize where she was. Instead of the verdantly green, flat, expansive backyard she was used to seeing, she saw a mountanous background, with lots of green trees sticking up here and there between stucco and brick houses and farmland as far as her eye can see.

"Where the hell am I?" she muttered to herself, suddenly looking down at herself, and noticing that she was not wearing what she was a minute earlier. She was now wearing a frilly, almost gaudy gold and red dress reminscent of the reniassance period she was learning about in her 8th grade history class.

Also, when she looked outside, instead of the dark blue sky of the darkening night sky, she saw a light blue of the mid-morning sky. Something was definately going on here, but she didn't know what.

"What are you doing!? Why are still just standing there staring at the clouds, Tzippora?! Rapidamente! VEN ACA! We have to be at the temple for your brothers' bar mitzvah in ten minutes!" someone was screaming at her.

"Well, they know my name, so this must be some kind of joke or something" she thought.

She turned around, and saw a tall, slighly overweight woman, who looked vaguely like her mother, but not too much so, shooing her out the door.

"B-B-B-but I don't...." She tried to get out before she was pushed out the door by the overbearing woman.

"I don't care, Tzippora! We're late! The whole congregation will be waiting for us, the family of honor, and we will be late because of you, Tzippora! Tell me later tonight when we get home!"

Tzippora understood the language she was speaking, but didn't recognize it. It sounded sort of like Spanish, yet, different, in a way she couldn't quite understand.

Toledo, Spain

1492

As the motherly figure pushed her out of the house, to meet what she assumed the rest of "her" family. She couldn't help think that she recognized these people, but yet, didn't know them. And yet, they obviously knew her because they knew her name, and werent shocked at all to see her. She wondered why this was, and what exactly was happening to her. But she figured it was better to just go along with what these people who must be her family were telling her to do, rather than to argue or put up a fight and call attention to herself.

When the family finally was ready to go, the set off a steady but brisk pace down a narrow, cobblestoned alleyway going downhill towards what looked to Tzippora like the heart of the city. After about 15 minutes of walking through tiny cobblestoned alleys, and making many zigs and zags and crossing down many unmarked, unnamed streets in a foreign country she had never heard before, they finally reached a synagogue. It was an imposing structure, two stories tall, stuccoed and had yellowish limestone trim. A gigantic black, wrought iron Jewish star stood atop the roof, and again another one was painted on the facade. They entered the building, and were only slightly late. After profusely appologizing, her brother got his Bar Mitzvah underway. About two and a half hours later, the ceremony was over, and the entire congregation was pouring into the streets to celebrate him becoming a man. As Tzippora and her family left the synogogue to leave towards the house, where the feast was to be held, with the head Rabbi of the temple with them, a silver-armor clad Conquistadore stood in the street, menacingly imposing, waiting for them to, in order to give them certain news and decrees from the King and Queen. With him was a Franciscan Friar, waiting with Crucifix and bible in hand.

As the family turned onto the street to go back up hill towards their home, the Conquistadore approached the man of the house, who appeared to be Tzippora's father. He said

"Are you Juan Moshe Cardoza?"

Tzippora's father replied, saying

"I am, Senor. Is there a problem?"

The conquistadore ignored Tzippora's father's question, and instead turned to the rabbi, asking

"Are you cheif Rabbi Eliezer ben Yusuf?"

"Indeed, I am, Senior. Perhaps you could tell me what this is about?" The rabbi replied.

The conquistador spoke to both of them at once

"I am Captain Raul Jorge Jesus Gonzales de Santa Maria. I am a representative of their Majesties Ferdinand and Isabella as well as the Holy See in Spain. I have here a tractate from their Majesties, and sponsored by His Holiness. It reads 'Attention, all Jews in the Kingdom of Spain. By this date, in four months' time, all the Jews in the realm and territories of their Majesties Ferdinand and Isabella must convert to Catholicism or leave Spain. Those who do not leave or convert will be put to death'. I am here to tell of said edict, and I have brought here along with me Father Marquez. He is willing, ready and able to baptize anyone who will except the Lord Jesus at this hour. Will you except baptizm?" he said, to both of them.

First spoke the father, and head of the Cardoza household.

"I will not acccept Baptism, and neither will any of my children"

The conquistadore glared at him. He then looked at the Rabbi.

"How about you, Rabbi?"

The Rabbi, a very old, and learned man, took a long time to answer.

"I am a very old man, senor. I have lived many years as a Jew, and have lived in many lands. Whats a few more years in another land?" He said in his old, sage-like manner. The conquistadore glowered at both of them, and then said "Remember, you have four months. If you do not except Baptism or leave in four months time, you and your entire family will die!"

******

To be continued again later when I get more time to write


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Points: 890
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Tue Aug 22, 2006 8:15 pm
Niamh wrote a review...



Wow, what a great start! I really liked this. Religious persecution is always a topic of interest to me.

By the way, this would be easier to read if you double spaced the paragraphs.

There are a few spelling errors that should be fixed when you revise this. "COMITS" should be "COMMITS" for example.

Aside from that, I don't really have anything else to correct. This is a very interesting start, and I'll be sure to read more. Cheers.





The chains of habits are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.
— Warren Buffet