Tess Gerritsen Fan Fic-Jane Rizzoli Series

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.

First Impression: So this was a nice and short little crime scene description of sorts. It was a pretty interesting read...the flow was fine and there were some good descriptions for the bodies themselves and a bit of background on our main character. Fair warning though...I have not even heard of this fandom so I can't really comment on any of that.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Detective Jane Rizzoli had seen many gruesome sights in her time served as a Boston homicide detective but none had shaken her so as this. The stench of death had greeted her in the hallway, that alone making her a little reluctant but Rizzoli was no squeamish girly girl. The moment you let the big boys see that in you it's over Rizzoli.

Hmm....a pretty neat opening that you have here. That last line I am a little doubtful about. It doesn't make a lot of sense at least to me. The rest of it however is pretty good at being attention grabby so good job.

It’s amazing how the human body reacts on impulse. It can save a life or it can give away the game. She thought, checking to see if Crowe had noticed her wincing. She and Crowe had always clashed. It was his haughtiness she despised. Such a typical male chauvinist cop. While Jane herself admitted to being a little arrogant at times it was only because she was a minority. A gazelle in a herd of lions, although, perhaps not quite so elegant. She was the only female cop in her team. Luckily they weren’t all like Crowe. On that thought Detective Barry Frost strolled in, his relaxed pace becoming noticeably stiffer as he regarded the scene.

Okay that sounds like that's a pretty decent showing there to convey situation but the paragraph seems a bit clunky perhaps because it showing us two different things happening. I would suggest maybe splitting it in two and making the individual chunks a lit bigger with a bit more description of her surroundings.

The woman was a blonde; her age not yet determined but from what Rizzoli could see she wasn’t very young but not old either. She lay as she was found, face down on the floor in a pool of blood that was soaking into her once golden locks. She had been hit on the head from the back and front it seemed and as if that wasn’t enough a large slash had shredded through the back of her shirt and her skin leaving a meat read gash on her back. She wasn’t the only victim of this horrendous attack. A man, probably in his twenties was sprawled on the bed. His nose had been broken and the glasses on his face shattered leaving little red slices around his eyes and on his face. There were several visible stab wounds on his body. So many on his abdomen that the colour of the shirt he was wearing was almost undeterminable.

Hmm pretty gruesome description that you have there although this does seem kind of mundane. With the sort of opening line you had I was expecting more blood and gore but I suppose this one works too. It definitely a really good description.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: So overall as a story, ignoring the fanfic part because I haven't heard of it, this is pretty nice. No real plot to it, there's only a simple description here of this crime scene of sorts but I think it's done pretty well. We're getting a decent picture of our detective's emotions too so overall good job.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry