Published September 20, 2009
But… I Love Her Anyway
I watch her as she sits, eating her nonexistent meal. No, really, she has one small taco on her plate. No salad or beans, like a ninety-five year old woman would be dieting. She was wearing a jean jacket, and not a hip jean jacket, some old jacket you could purchase at Wal-Mart. The kind teenage girls would look at and stick their finger down there throat at their friends, signifying it was so gross you wish you could gag it up. She had on a pair of ‘jeans’ and, I use quotations to signify that they might actually be jean knock off’s; they were slick dark blue color, absolutely atrocious, but I love her anyway. Her jeans were so short you could say she was ‘waiting for a flood.’ The way she took a bite out of the taco was probably the most disgusting bite I have ever seen. It was even more grotesque than watching the show about the fat guy who goes around the world eating roasted rats and baked pig intestines. She practically shoved the whole taco in her mouth, and then slowly took it out until she measured the proper bite size. Don’t get me wrong, I love my grandmother, who, in fact, smells like the fat mans breath after he eats the roasted rat. My grandmother who loves me so much, when she comes over she gives me a Kit Kat bar wrapped with a dollar bill. My grandmother, who falls as she walks, then subconsciously saves herself, or acts as if she had never fallen in the first place. I love my grandmother as she drives away; yes the nine decade old woman still drives, though I don’t actually know if she has a driver’s license. I love how she can forget to take a shower, and forget to brush her teeth, yet she always makes sure and calls us when she gets home.
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141,385 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Ooooh well this is quite the scene here. Given the title and the kind of tone we started it seemed like it was going to be one of those far more common situations of someone falling in love with the unpopular girl at school or something along those lines, but this ended up being a lot more wholesome and the best kind of surprise here.
Before I gush about this some more though, there is one pressing issue here and that's the paragraphs. At the moment its a little too large of a paragraph to be standing on its own as a wall of text here because it is a little hard to follow here. The flow still works because its mostly a sort of stream of thoughts but I think splitting this up into at least two smaller chunks would help out here.
Besides that though I honestly can't find much to fault with this. You capture the energy of a fond grandson who can see their grandmother has a lot of habits that might be a little hard to get along with but understands the reason for it all and still very much loves here anyway and I think that really creates a beautiful picture here and a beautiful message.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Haha this was pretty cute. If I may offer one small suggestion, it would be to rewrite one bit of your piece:
The way she took a bite out of the taco was probably the most disgusting bite I have ever seen. It was even more grotesque than watching the show about the fat guy who goes around the world eating roasted rats and baked pig intestines. She practically shoved the whole taco in her mouth, and then slowly took it out until she measured the proper bite size.
I would simply rearrange this so that you that you first have a description, then a comparison:
The way she took a bite out of the taco was probably the most disgusting (thing) I have ever seen. She practically shoved the whole taco in her mouth, and then slowly took it out until she measured the proper bite size. It was even more grotesque than watching the show about the fat guy who goes around the world eating roasted rats and baked pig intestines.
But that's just my suggestion. Well done!
Oh, goodness. Don't we all wish we could write something like this, publish it and make money? It would be so much easier than a novel.
I loved It! Your tone is very creative, and reminds me much of mine. I would love to read more of your workds.
When you glance at this it seems so simple, but i actually believe you put alot of working into it. I love it, keep writing like this!
~Skip
Awwwwwww this was so sweet! It reminds me of my neighbor who is 89 and not related to us in anyway but we love her like we love our grandmother. Shes the best person in the world and I love like that too but shes not nearly as.....classy...as that
But I love the end of it, it was touching!
Keep up the good work!
-Irish
No idea why, but I was sure this was about teenlove in the beginning. Then when I realized the part where it was about your MC's grandmother, I laughed. It was a good piece, short, and you could break it up into peragraphs. Your MC has a personality, and although it's short, I feel like we still get to understand him/her. All in all, a great piece. It was refreshing, and cute. The name caught my eye. This was a very good idea in my mind.
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