If you're one in a million,
there would be about 6905 people in this world,
who are just like you.
If you're the only one for me,
what about those thousands?
Aren't they possibilities?
If I say I'll love you for the rest of my life,
what happens to our love after I die?
Doesn't it die along with me?
If I say I love you with all my heart,
won't my love size up to be,
no bigger than a fist-sized jar?
So, I'd like to tell you this,
as the only person I will ever feel about this way,
as the only person who makes my brain chemicals become a volatile mix,
who makes my heart ache to be near you,
the only one in the entire galaxy and beyond,
you're the one I will love with my entire being and soul.
Darling, I'll love you infinitely.
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140,224 Literary Works • 673,047 Reviews
Thank Heavens, logical love. I was beginning to think the whole world had gone mushed brains, and yet it's still sweet. That's the way to do it.
You do write very logically. I like it, it's a unique take. You can't break love down into logic, yes.
That said, you definitely need to work on your rhythm. Rhythm is everything in a poem. In a narrative, balance is enough, but in poems, you need rhythm too. I think the lines are far too long, so we as readers "stumble" on the lines so to speak. This is why "scientific language" is so hard to pull off in poems and such, and I'm afraid I feel that you haven't gotten it. It actually works very well when you just join them together as single sentences. Example
No, I don't know how I'd have made it work, but maybe you can.
Keep troopin' though, just start out with more abstract topics next time.
wow, very lovely work. I am inspired. Not too much and not too little, the perfect mix. Bravo!
I love it very much.Well,I don't know what to say.Honestly,the title's what attracted me and when I did read it,I believed it was perfect.
I don't think it needs to be fixed.Keep up the good work.
@Jennya Thanks for the suggestion. I've split it into two.
Thanks for the lovely reviews, everyone.
WoW
I really like this!!!!!
It is completely true. I hate all those romantic books that are always saying ' I love you with all of my heart' and crap like that because when you really think about it, your heart does not feel. It pumps blood. the hole idea of the heart being the place of love is stupid. People should just day 'I love you with all my brain' because that sure sounds better that 'I love love you with all of the muscle that pumps blood around my body'. Seriously.
I really like the last stanza. It sells the hole poem.
Good job, man. Computer hi-five!
This is quietly powerful.
It's bring the thought of, is love really love, to the boil.
When I started to read it, I thought it was gonna be another poem just totally bombarding the reader with negative thought's about love. Yet this, gives clear reason's as to typical things said in love.
It's clever and the wording amplifies this even more.
Cracking job here, ducky. :}
nice poem, I like it!
This was beautiful. I suggest splitting the last stanza into two so it would be more uniform. I love your language and the metaphors. The change in tone was also great, it really helped get the message across.
A little cliche, given that the rest of the poem was amazing.I'm only nit picky because I like things to end with a bang.Probably the best poem I've seen today. Great work
I really like this poem it is sweet and straight to the point it reminds me of another one of my poem "reborn!" IT IS REALLY GREAT TO SEE OTHERS LOOKING AT LOVE FROM A LOGICAL STAND POINT INSTEAD OF THE GUSHY GUSH GUSH! I HAVE NO COMPLAINTS I THOUGHT IT WAS BRILLIANT!
Hey rubberduck,
I really like this. Your wording was clever, and your figurative language was fantastic.
If I say I love you with all my heart,
won't my love size up to be,
no bigger than a fist-sized jar?
That's my favorite part of this poem, don't change it. I'm sorry to tell you that I don't have any criticizm for you, but this was really good. I would love to read more of your work, so just let me know if you need something reviewed!
-Alex
The first thing I thought was, "Well, this is a little pessimistic," (even though it's really pretty and things I've thought about on a daily basis), but then the last stanza completely changed my mind for the better. I thought this was a cool poem; it had a clever aspect to it, and I don't have any real complaints.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver