On the ground
before a poet
lays a paper and a pen
sullen-faced
he thinks of the future
not even himself
today hurts
yesterday was wrecked
to him everything is forlorn
he stumbles through the dark
staggering under grief
searching for his lovely lost shard
not to find any
face the lasso!
that's the sound
so loud in his mind
haunting!
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139,414 Literary Works • 672,558 Reviews
Hey, royevans! ScytheMeister here for a quick review
This was a good poem, it started off good and has a great potential but some of it didn't really make sense and the flow was slightly interrupted.
I will just summarise everything into one suggestion; here's what it should be:
I found it hard adjusting this because there were far too many ideas taking place and some of the lines were odd and misplaced.
Also, what do you mean by "face the lasso"? It made no sense at all, how does the life of a poet connect to a lasso?
Lastly, I believe you've failed to get the message of this poem across. You make it seem as though the life of a poet is so disturbing and wretched but failed to explain why. I think the poem would have been much more suited with better detail
Good Job, though!
- ScytheMeister
Hey thankS for the review!I got the point.
Hi. This is kman134. I'm here to review your work.
First off, this poem started off pretty well. the spacing was good and the grammar and wording was well-written. the rhyming was brilliant and the symbolism and tone was innovative.
"he stumbles through the dark
staggering under grief
searching for his lovely lost shard."
this was very ominous and fits like being in a horror story. the emotional tone seemed somber and depressing, almost like feeling your whole world collapsing on top of you.
"face the lasso!"
not many people use this phrase, but was very creative and well executed.
anyways, this was pretty good of a poem. i hope you write more.
Thank for the review!
Now i'm not big on poetry but some of the context actually fits the lives of poet's that I am friends with. I'm not totally sure if what I got from it is what you meant, but I took out that the poet is taking events that had happened to them and hearing them loud in his brain, wanting to be wrote down. If that's right I'm a genius (I'm barely familiar with anything but Shakespeare), but either way it was a cool poem. Thanks for writing!
That's it!thanks for the review!
Hey Royevans!
The poem started off well, and with a good start means the poem should be just as good, and it was, good use of words, and I love how it is portrayed on the screen. The line "face the lasso!" really sticks out to me. Who else uses that in a sentence? Not many people, this was really good.
Keep writing!
-Ross
Thank for the review!