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Young Writers Society



3 Easy Steps to Getting a Boyfriend!

by rothwise


THREE EASY STEPS TO GETTING A BOYFRIEND: (An inspirational guide by rothwise)

STEP ONE: Make one up.

You spend all your time on the internet and never get out of the house to socialize with anyone. Plus, we all know you’re way too unattractive to actually get a boyfriend. So make one up! You can even get creative so you don’t have to just call him “Boyfriend”, and make up a name! Make sure it’s an original name like “Arshkarf” and not “James”, because otherwise your parents will get suspicious. You can even decide if he comes from a certain ethnic background (i.e. “Andamanese”) or if he can speak any cool languages (i.e. “Pig Latin” or “Sarcasm”).

STEP TWO: Lie about where you’re going at all times.

Since you basically live in a (basement, bedroom, cupboard) you probably don’t get out much, and your parents won’t be used to you leaving all the time because you have a boyfriend. Because your boyfriend doesn’t actually exist, it is necessary to lie to your parents about where you’re going. “I’m just running over to Arshkarf’s house to watch a movie,” you can say, when really, you’re just taking your laptop down to a dark, quiet and enclosed space – such as a library or the sky tubes at Chuck E Cheeses.

STEP THREE: Live happily ever after.

“But wait!” you may be saying, “I can’t live happily ever after! What if my parents want to meet Arshkarf? What about when I get married!” Those are some very good questions, and I have some simple solutions for you. If your parents want to meet your nonexistent boyfriend, just tell them that he died. If your relationship with your fictional boyfriend extends so far that it would be time for you to get married normally, then you can always tell your parents, “Whoops! We got drunk and eloped!” and then move to Canada and buy a cat.

WITH THESE THREE EASY STEPS, YOU CAN GET YOURSELF A BOYFRIEND IN NO TIME!

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12 Reviews

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Sun Dec 29, 2013 6:55 am
Sinaryn wrote a review...



Hahaha, this was great. I loved it! Wow, I've always wanted a boyfriend, and this just might lead me to finally getting one! Does it count if your boyfriend is fictional but exists in an anime world? Would a similar process suffice for procuring a girlfriend?

I do have a couple suggestions, however. The line

You can even get creative so you don’t have to just call him “Boyfriend”, and make up a name!
confused me a little. I might rephrase it as 'You can even get creative and make up a name so you don't have to just call him "Boyfriend!" I think it better clarifies the point you were trying to make.

Also, when you used "i.e.", you should have used "e.g." I.e. is used to explain or clarify a point, and e.g. means "for example".

Other than those things, wonderful article! Very helpful and informative. The only problem is, I want to move to Alaska with a cat, not Canada. Is that close enough?




rothwise says...


Oooh I'm so glad this will be helping you! And thanks for the correction of that line - you're right, it does make more sense the way you have it. I'll be making that change! And thanks too for the correction on i.e. vs e.g., will be making that change too :) I'm really glad you enjoyed reading it...and yes, Alaska is acceptable in place of Canada, it's pretty much a part of Canada anyway. ;D



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Wed Dec 18, 2013 1:54 pm
LittleCaroleen wrote a review...



Very clever. I'm not sure what I was expecting, honestly.

I'm sure you're really not looking for reviews, but let's look at this anyways. Since this is more of a "how-to" essay (which I've never written before) I can't exactly talk about the structure of the piece. So, since I'm unqualified, we'll leave that part alone. Next we go into the grammar/spelling portion of the essay. You should probably take "basement, bedroom, cupboard" out of there parenthesis. maybe add in an "or" after "bedroom".

Suggestions: When asking the questions in the third paragraph, I think it would be nice to mention the fact you would probably never get married anyway. You could also mention the fact, your parents would never ever even believe you could get a boyfriend. Also, I think I better title would be is, "3 Easy Steps to Keep your Boyfriend". Because, honestly, only the first paragraph mentions how you're actually suppose to get your boyfriend, but the rest of it is about keeping him and convincing the world he's real.

So, it was a very entertaining piece to read. I liked it. Feel free to take up some of the suggestions, but you don't have to. Have a good night cuddling with your ca---I mean boyfriend!




rothwise says...


Oh, I'm always open to reviews on how to improve in any of my pieces! Thank you so much for your suggestions, I'll definitely be correcting parenthesis, and taking into account what you said about the rest of it. :) I'm glad you liked it! And thanks, me and my ca--- boyfriend are very happy together ;)



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Wed Dec 18, 2013 1:29 am
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heclgehog wrote a review...



I thought this was funny. And it reminds me of how a lot of online fiction written by young teens is basically this. Just them writing stories about their daydreams with their imaginary boyfriends who must never ever have traditional names. No good man can have the same name as someone else. Their names must always remind you of a word in a foreign language. Original subject matter and really good details and humor, this was awesome.




rothwise says...


Haha thank you very much! I was actually kind of going for a parody of how young teens write their novels, so thanks for noticing that (: I'm glad you liked it!




"It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be."
— Albus Dumbledore