Summer Song

Hello there, @rosette! Nice to meet you! I am here to review your wonderful work. //bows//

I want to begin with the imagery you have in this poem. Am-a-zing! This really takes me back to my childhood (gosh, I'm only 14, I shouldn't be saying that haha) and when summer really was a great time, with no required summer reading for high school. (Agh!!) Every word chosen really has an impact on the poem and the voice it has.

With grammar/spelling, I spotted a couple of things that caught my eye.

"...sing it's natural song." Remember that "it's" is a contraction of "it" and "is", so the proper "it's" to put there is "its".

The next thing that really stood out was "ne'er". I think it's really cool how you used that! I don't see that much in modern poetry (or perhaps that's just me)!

Other than that, I don't see any mistakes! Kudos for writing such an awesome piece!

Keep on writing!

Berri out!

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this poem about aspects of summer from what appears to be a child’s point of view. Very true, with no more school for approx three months ad all that time free for play, to children the arrival of summer does seem like a magical time. This poem focuses on certain sounds it describes as typical of summer compares it to a seasonal song, and uses it as a refrain.

This melody is identified as including the following:

1. Children’s Laughter and screams of delight
2. Whisper of adults causing children to frown.
3. Crickets
4. Buzzz of Mosquitoes
5. Screams of delight.
6. Moonlight
5. Icecream slurping
6. Praising hot dogs as supreme

I like the rhyme scheme and how the poem easily manages to convey its meaning within its rhyming framework.

Suggestions

Catching [big]bullfrogs, [Adds alliteration.]

The meter regularity can be improved.

Mosquitoes and frowns don’t convey summer fun. Most people have unpleasant memories of mosquitoes. Whispers that cause children to frown indicates unhappiness. So replacing those two with two other things that are pleasant would strengthen the concept of fun and the pleasantness of summer’s song.

All in all a very interesting read. Looking forward to reading more of your work.

Hello, Bloodlord here to review your poem!

I think this captures summer really well, and in a fun way too! Your description is great, and I like the flow of the stanzas.

I have a few suggestions.

First, I just wanted to mention that in the line "sing it's natural song," the 'it's' should be 'its'. It can be kind of tricky to remember he difference between 'it's' and 'its'. Just remember that the apostrophe with it doesn't function like it does with other words - 'it's' means 'it is,' and 'its' is the possessive form.

"eating hot dogs, and / proclaiming them supreme."

The 'and' made reading these two lines seem a little long. I think just "eating hot dogs, / proclaiming them supreme." is better.

"screaming with delight / under the hot glare of the sun."

The second line seemed a little unnaturally long compared to the others in this stanza. Maybe something like "screaming with delight / beneath the hot sun" would work?

I like how you repeat the stanza

The day has been long,
the day has been fun,
listening to summer
sing its natural song.

I was just thinking about the order you could put each of your quatrains in to make the best use of this repetition, and I thought it might be better if you did something like this:

The day has been long, . . .

Catching bullfrogs, . . .

Playing games . . .

Telling stories . . .

Crickets chirp . . .

Adult voices whisper . . .

The day has been long . . .

This would bring the theme more full circle, I think.

Thanks for sharing. I really enjoyed this, and I hope to read more of your work! Remember that these are just my opinions, so you can totally ignore them if you want. If you have any questions, let me know!