Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ, stood before the chief priests and council, where the people of Rome had demanded he be brought - because they did not bear witness to his testimony of the Lord's revelation unto him. They had thrown dust in the air, and casting off their garments, cried he was not fit to live.
And now Paul, with a soldier on either side, earnestly beheld the council and declared: "Men and brethren! I have lived in all good conscience before God until this day." The high priest Ananias commanded those who stood nearby to smite him on the cheek. Paul, recovering quickly from the blows, answered the high priest Ananias, "God shall smite THEE, thou whited wall! For sittest thou to judge me after the law? And commandest me to be smitten contrary to the law?"
The mixed multitude of people standing within reach, murmured amongst themselves, saying, "Revilest thou God's high priest?!"
"I wist not, brethren," said Paul, "that he was the high priest. For it is written: thou shalt not speak evil of the ruler of thy people."
And when Paul, looking about, had perceived that one part of the audience were Sadducees, and the other, Pharisees, he cried out: "Men and brethren! I am a Pharisee, the son of a Pharisee. Of the hope and resurrection of the dead, I am called in question." Immediately after he had thus spoken, there arose a dissension between the Pharisees and the Sadducees, and the multitude was divided. Now the Sadducees say that there is no resurrection: no angels, or spirits. But the Pharisees confess both.
So there was a magnificent cry, and the scribes who were with the Pharisees arose and strove with those of the Sadducees, saying: "We find no fault in this man! But, if a spirit or an angel hath spoken to him - let us not fight against God." And when there arose a great dissension, the chief captain, who feared lest Paul should have been pulled in pieces of them, commanded his soldiers to take Paul by force from among them and bring him back to the castle.
So I totally did this thing for fun, because this particular passage cracks me up and I don't even know why. But. I really would like your guys' thoughts on this - I think I totally dragged some of these sentences out...