Young Writers Society

Hi there,
Seeing as this is a short, I'll only keep my comments brief and related to exactly what you've posted.

You've done a really good job of characterisation through just this series of interactions and it gives us an (albeit short) interesting insight to some of their thoughts, feelings and motivations without actually delving into anything other than what is happening in the present.

I can't help but dislike the character of Jason. To me, he seems so incredibly entitled . It's not his car, why should he have the right to promise his friends a lift when he hasn't even asked? What if his mum needed the car?

I like how the mother's feelings seem to be in conflict here - she doesn't want him to be upset but she still wants to keep him safe. I know this is short, but I think sometimes her emotions seem to change a little too quickly. At the beginning she is bellowing at him and seems really riled up then suddenly she's upset then angry then quiet? I can understand the change in emotion when he mentions his father but the roller coaster of emotions is a bit too fast for my liking.

Also, this line:

She started.

Okay, first of all, coddle is my new favorite word. Thank you XD. So, I loved this short little narrative. It was great on it's own, but I'd love to know what happens next!! Maybe he goes to the party and something extreme happens and he's taken court as a witness. The whole time his mom is glaring at him like "I told you so."
I'm loving the attitude that was put into their voices. I can almost hear that smart-aleck teenage boy mouthing off to his mother. You also did a really good job describing the body language and tone of voice, so keep that up.
However, I would suggest changing "Gee, you don't have to keep reminding yourself." to "Gee, you don't have to keep reminding me, since the mother is reminding the son repeatedly about his age.
Okay, that's it! Keep up the good work, and let me know what happens in the end!