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Love and trust.

by rosej


You can fall back on me when you lack love.
I will understand you when you are between a storm
Hold you and talk to you at night until you are calmĀ 
Hide you away when the rains are hard.
I have enough love to give you when you are down.
Hold your hand till you fall for another love.
I will do this all for you without pain.
Because i love you enough to stay but don't trust you enough to do the same.


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Tue Sep 03, 2019 12:07 am
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Jaybird wrote a review...



Hey there, rosej! Your poem looked like it had an interesting topic, so I thought I'd try my hand at reviewing it.

I always struggle with conciseness, so something I love about this poem is how short it is. Love and trust are both big topics on your own; it's impressive that you managed to cover both them in so few lines.

One of your strengths is your repetition. Some of your lines had similar structures to them. They started with verbs and were relatively similar. It made them more memorable and easier to digest.

Regarding the contents of the poem, I loved how the narrator professed their love for another person while also admitting the lack of trust they felt towards them. Love is built on trust - you can't have one without the other.

I especially love your final line:

Because i love you enough to stay but don't trust you enough to do the same.


I would probably separate it into two separate lines because it's longer than all of the other ones in the poem, but they would still be one of my favorite parts. It sounds like something that would be quoted in a cute edit or in a full length novel - it's the type of quote that'll pop into your head after reading a work when you least expect it.

(You also forgot to capitalize the "i" in that line.)

All in all, I really loved your poem! I can't wait to see more works from you in the future.

Happy #RevMo !

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Sat Aug 31, 2019 4:07 am
brookeallo wrote a review...



I connected so much to this so much. I thought it was so well written. I've felt this with my ex. He was my bestfriend and we dated for three years and even after breaking up he came back constantly when he was lonely. Whenever I needed him though he always had an excuse. But I still let him back everytime becuase in a way I was selfish and just wanted to feel the way I felt with him three years ago. I absolutly love your poem thanks for writing.




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Tue Aug 27, 2019 12:43 am
kaceymackwriter wrote a review...



Hiya! First off, welcome to YWS! I'm very new here too but I received such a warm welcome that I thought I'd pay it forward on to you as well!

Second, your poem is so absolutely adorable and so so sweet. It warmed my heart to read it and put a grin on my face. You've done a very good job here. Although the last line just seemed a little long to me and felt a bit off rhythm with the rest of the poem, that's simply a personal preference for me and it may be that you kept it like that on purpose. I'd also like to add on another positive note that the line "Hide you away when the rains are hard." absolutely melted me because it's such a simple line that holds so so much meaning which honestly made it all the more profound. Love love loved this!




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Mon Aug 26, 2019 8:01 am
Asith says...



<3




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Mon Aug 26, 2019 3:10 am
Horisun says...



Hello! And welcome to YWS, I hope you love it as much as me, and others, do!
I really like the poem you have here. The word choice was really good, and I like that it's short and sweet. The end line confused me a bit, but once I got it, it was some great food for thought.
I saw one other thing, and that's that you didn't uppercase I in the last line. Not a big deal, but it makes your work sooooooo much more smooth when you fix that.
Other than that, a really good poem! I hope you continue to read and review here! Happy belated Review Day!




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Mon Aug 26, 2019 3:09 am
Horisun wrote a review...



Hello! And welcome to YWS, I hope you love it as much as me, and others, do!
I really like the poem you have here. The word choice was really good, and I like that it's short and sweet. The end line confused me a bit, but once I got it, it was some great food for thought.
I saw one other thing, and that's that you didn't uppercase I in the last line. Not a big deal, but it makes your work sooooooo much more smooth when you fix that.
Other than that, a really good poem! I hope you continue to read and review here! Happy belated Review Day!




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Sun Aug 25, 2019 3:11 am
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paperforest says...



whoops, double post




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Sun Aug 25, 2019 3:08 am
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paperforest wrote a review...



Hey there! Man, that last line hit hard. I like the simplicity of the words you use, it feels like someone speaking their thoughts without embellishment, it feels vulnerable because the speaker is laying out their thoughts in a raw, unpolished way. I also like the common thread of rain/storms/bad weather, with:

I will understand you when you are between a storm

and
Hide you away when the rains are hard

but I would love to see that expanded upon more. It seems to me that the speaker is talking about the opposite of a fairweather friend - a badweather friend, if you will. This friend falls back on the speaker every time they need help, and nothing is mentioned of them sticking around to help the speaker. or even just wanting to be friends with them when things are good. They seem to take the speaker for granted, and even though the speaker says
I will do this all for you without pain

I don't really believe them there, because the sentiment of the last line, of being in love with someone you know you can't trust to love you back or even acknowledge your existence (except when they need you to do something for them) is incredibly painful. Really good job on packing so much emotion into that one line.

A few last nitpicks: you capitalize "I" in all the lines except the last, and consistency in that sort of thing really helps with readability, as it can be jarring to the reader to notice an inconsistency like that and that pulls them out of the poem and back into their own thoughts. Same issue with the fact that all but the second and third lines end with a period - in this case I would recommend i would recommend commas at the ends of those two lines, and adding an "and" at the start of the fourth line, just to help with the flow.

And that's all for now! I really enjoyed reading your poem, keep writing!



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rosej says...


Thank You.



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Sun Aug 25, 2019 2:47 am
TaioniaAeren wrote a review...



Okay, so I was just reading this little thing and going along, minding my own business, thinking, "Aw, this is so sweet and innocent! That's so cute!"

And then that last line.

AUGH.

JUST AUGH.

It's like you just took all that sweetness and innocence and threw it out the window, and then dropped a five-ton grand piano on it in what . . . nine words? That's very clever, I have to say. Rather than making every line center on the poem's true meaning, you mask it until the last line, where you reveal it in a way that's akin to ripping off a band aid. It makes the story more powerful.

What I'd say needs any work at all would be things like rhyme scheme and meter, but those are a lot more difficult than people think, and personally I think you did a pretty good job with them. Some of the rhymes are a little stretched, but I don't think that it takes away from the poem in any significant way. The only thing I would probably change is the last line--I'd switch it from just one line into two separate lines, just to make it hit a little harder. And I'd take the second "enough" out to make the beat fit a little better.

Like this:

"Because I love you enough to stay,
But don't trust you to do the same."

But that's just me.

Overall, I really liked this, and I think you did a beautiful job with it. Thanks for sharing this!



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rosej says...


Thank You.



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Sun Aug 25, 2019 12:48 am
Anma wrote a review...



Hello rosej
Anma here for a read:)

This is wonderful.

Its very simple and strait forward, and the way you used your words was nicely put. Its very romantic in my opinon.

I love it, and i loved the read. There are no spelling errors or anything. So i guess ill leave with a like. :))))

I hope you have a nice reveiw day!

Thank you for the read!

Sincerly
Anma



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rosej says...


Thank You.




Do. Or do not. There is no try.
— Yoda