this is the start of the first chapter - enjoy
The desolate tower loomed once again over him; chaos was all that surrounded him as the armies of the free people were falling, as the Mantels were victorious.
‘Orders sir, what are your orders CAPTAIN’,
The voice of small soldier did not travel far as an arrow from a nearby Seer penetrated his skull. Captain Lundek chose this moment to respond by pointing the tip of his sword towards the tower and yelled ‘FIRE!’. The remaining catapults launched the boulders from the pile towards the tower. Yet again they did not even scratch the tower with the crumb like remains raining down upon bodies of the dead. Lundek knew they didn’t have a chance but he never knew it would be this bad. The battlefield was becoming a graveyard for the free people the half-giants were ripping anything that came near them limb from limb. ‘AAARRRGHHH’ the shout echoed around the battlefield causing everyone to cease their individual fights. The shout had come form inside the tower some of mantels banged their chest plates with the hilts of their swords in a victory chant.
Red smoke was billowing from the top of the tower, spreading through the sky turning it blood red. This was it the end of days and all humanity. From the top of tower a dragon dark as coal rose with its rider on top, sword pointed towards the heavens, this was a common mantel war-like tradition: when the end is near bring out the king to finish of the rest.
The Mantels had Captain Lundek and his remaining men surrounded in the centre of the battlefield. The dragon bore its rider to the centre where he dismounted and glided over to the group. Within a second the tip of his sword was placed at Captain Lundek’s neck. ‘I pity you Lundek, you should have joined me when you had the chance it is a shame that it has to end like this’, the rider growled the words at Lundek. ‘It is a shame but unlike you I am not a fan of genocide’. These were the last words he would say the rider withdrew the sword then swung for his neck.
‘No!’ Lundek sat upright in his bed.
‘General Lundek’, the voice came from the small opening in the tent, the small head of on overhang soldier was poking through the gap in the tent. ‘I have been sent for you, it is time I will give you a few minutes. When you are ready I will take you to the courthouse’.
General Lundek remained silent. He was still trying to work out why he was having the same dreams for the last three weeks all with the same end, his death.
[b]hope you enjoyed the start post replies of what you thought about it[b]
This beginning was interesting... though there are a lot of things you could have edited. Like somebody previously mentioned, going slower and adding more description would capture the reader's attention a lot better. I did manage to catch a lot of suspense in it, so if you added better description this probably be excellent.
Otherwise for that very self-explantory bit right there, I think you could go far with this idea when you develop it. Good luck... 
this has the making of a great story. my suggestion , would be to slow down while writing it. dont rush from one scene to the next. take your time. for instance when the dragon appears, introduce it with more action, and maybe a better discription
i found it hard to visualize it.
just take your time while writing, reread constantly, if if flows with you, it will flow with your readers.
great job, and keep writing.
kim
One more thing: Interesting titles catch a reader's eye, and vague 'chapter one' cut about half of the number of people that could have read the story. 
So, give titles! Titles rule!
Hello room101,
First of all, as I haven’t really seen you around yet, I would like to welcome you to YWS - this is a great, addictive (and terrifying, actually) site. Having written the introduction, I’ll get on with the crit, because that will probably be more interesting, yes?
Okay, the first thing when I look at your story if a humongous chunk of a paragraph. That can be, for the reader, a bit off-putting, and since making you reader happy and all elated is your aim(well, partly) that is not good. However, on a second look (when you actually read it), the reader sees that it’s not useless info-dumps. It’s a story, and interesting story (mark my words here, lol), but you have it all jammed in one paragraph.
My advice to you is to split it up. Separate the dialogues and tags (those said by different characters, too), and everything else. The everything else needs to be split to, not only to make it visually appealing, but to order it a bit. As of now, it seems chaotic, not orderly, even though it isn’t actually chaos.
What else? Tiny mistakes, little errors, are littered over you story. Little mistakes, tiny errors, but very irritating, and making it a tough read. I liked you description - it was vivid - but some of the sentences, whether bits of descriptions or otherwise, were run-on. At some points I felt, e.g., that a period would be better, because the was a standing out lack of a linking word.
My advice to you is for you to reread this piece and catch the smaller mistakes, those that can be easily fixed, e.g. commas and run-ons. Again, these can be really easily fixed if you just reread this (rereading it out loud will help you catch the awkward-sounding sentences).
Also, times. At some points you appear to have abruptly changed times. Again, I’ll leave this for you to fix - the read-it-aloud part, not to repeat myself.
On an end note, I would like to say once more that you have an interesting plot, and very nice description. If you clean this up a bit, and fix what needs to be fixed, then all will be well. Also, if you have any questions, feel free to PM me!
Cheers,
Esme
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