it is not unlike me to believe everything i love/is untrue. perpetual states of being where/i am stuck in your freeze-frames. never escaping/your hungry gaze\i feel you undress/my wounds\i feel you lick your lips and/feast on the carnage you leave in your wake./you always described yourself as a reincarnation/of epic heroes-- achilles\odysseus\heracles./i am always the weak point\always the dilligent second-thought\a labor. i am your heel\your penelope\your poison./[iamalwaysyoursyouarenevermine]
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138,001 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Hello! Allow me to leave a short review.
This seems like it is a poetic piece. I am assuming the slashes are where line breaks are supposed to go. I think everything would read more smoothly - and definitely be cleaner & more organized visually - if you went ahead and did line breaks instead of slashes. That would really present it as free form poetry.
You convey a topic that seems to be widely relatable - that of being enamored by someone and yet them being out of reach in some way. It sounds like this object of the narrator's affections is also bad or harmful for them in a sense. However, this does not seem to weaken the narrator's obsession.
It's interesting that the person being discussed by the narrator describes *themselves* as the epic hero. The way it's set up, you'd almost think it's the narrator who would describe them this way. I am getting the impression that this person whom the piece is written about is maybe kind of self-absorbed. Maybe the affections are not returned. And still the narrator is enamored.
Maybe I've interpreted it wrongly, and if so, I apologize. Anyway, my number one suggestion is to format this as poetry. Other than that, keep on putting your thoughts and feelings into words! Have a great day!
Hey romanticist! Here to give you a review on this wonderful poem.
This piece is so haunting and deep, I LOVE it. I hope you keep posting on YWS, because your poetic style is so strong!! The contradiction, the formatting, the mere concept--all of it is wrapped up in such a heavy and solemn package.
I will say--and this might be a stylistic choice, so take this with a grain of salt--that the alternating directions of the slashes makes it a bit difficult to read. I do like seeing the backslashes in there, we don’t see very much of those these days! It’s just that using both backslashes and forward slashes makes it harder to see the breaks in text.
However, I do love the inclusion of the slashes at all--it goes away from the traditional poetry style of line breaks, and makes the lines seem more connected to each other.
The Greek mythology references are also *chefs kiss*. I love how you used references that aren’t so obscure that most wouldn’t recognize them, but also have ones that connect to the story as opposed to just tossing them in there.
Speaking of the story, I adore the story you’re telling with this. It’s not just one of unrequited love, it’s one of trickery. And the contradictions within the poem seal that in. I’m a sucker for contradictions, and you use them masterfully.
Overall, I adored reading this!! Keep writing :)
<3, chem
sooo good. omg. haunting and raw in all the best ways.