Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
Dear Stranger,
I am a human. A male. This is all you need to know. Don't perceive me as rude but if I tell you all about me it'll be first too boring and second, with every new information, there will be a blank zone which you'll fill with your own imagination which very well may be a common stereotype. Then I'll have to waste many pages, lots of ink, and a few moments of my not so busy life to break those stereotypes. Just consider me as a blank canvas-esque human. Add colours and textures with the information you can squeeze out of this dry letter.
I'm a school boy. New place, new school, new acquaintances. Becoming a friend to someone is tough for me. I don't have too many questions to ask, and my answers are generally short. I haven't been able to master the art of small talk. So, the ice breaking never happens. My roommate is a nice person. His name is James. His blood group is A+ and he wears glasses. He has a lot of friends. They used to come to his room before I came but now he generally stays out.
I'm not unhappy nor lonely. I'm not happy either. At this moment, I'm just numb. If you peel my skin off my flesh, I probably won't stop you. I'll watch it and silently compare it with a snake changing its scales.
My sister says she is proud of me. Probably because I get a scholarship and she did not. I guess some people are just programmed to love you. I have never seen any mother not loving her child, except my friend Billy's. She is her real mom, but after his parents' divorce, she is always rude to him. He used to have several marks on his body. Cigarette burns too. Once she said that he was the reason of all her unhappiness. I don't think she wanted to say that.
I like a girl. She is not a very popular girl. Everyone says she is rude and probably that is why I am afraid to talk to her. She does not always have a group of girls roaming with her like every other girl here. She goes on long walks with earphones in her ears. She walks home instead of taking the bus. I wonder which songs she hears. I was punished by the warden once for arriving late at the hostel. But how could I come on time? I was watching her lying on the grass in a park for 39 minutes watching stars. After she went away, I lied on the same spot for 7 minutes 37 seconds before the cold became unbearable. I will never tell her this. I think it is wrong to follow her like this. I'm not a stalker. I usually mind my own business. Like I don't ask my roommate why he punches the wall after talking to his girlfriend who lives in his hometown. He talks about her private parts in front of me and I cover my ears. He gives me strange looks when I do that.
I like poems. I do not understand most of them. I like the rhythm, how words rhyme with each other. It makes me calm, seeing a pattern. I think she was finding constellations that night.
Rupert says I should not talk to other people. They want to hurt me. I trust Rupert. He always wears red which is also colour of his skin. He is not like everyone. That makes him special. He always stays by my side. Sometimes he switches off the light when I go to sleep and sings me lullabies. The lullabies are mostly about how he slept one day. I introduced him to my mother once when I was young. My mother did not like him. I heard her telling my father that I had an imaginary friend. Rupert was angry at her. He was standing right next to her and she behaved as if he was not even there. His red glowing eyes were filled with tears. Then he was enraged. I had to calm him down. He likes watching blood drip on the floor, especially from the ring finger. That is why I always keep a needle with me. I don't like when he gets angry. He throws things at people. Once Johnny was playing with me when I was 12. He was winning at tug of war against Rupert and I. Rupert was so angry that he started pelting stones at Johnny one after another. One of them hit Johnny and he suffered some serious head injuries. I lost a lot of blood that day. Mother took me to a hospital and I was not allowed to see Rupert for two months. They always kept me in a room and mixed something in my food. Rupert started to visit me in my sleep and asked me to never say his name to anyone else they will keep me there forever. He helped me to get away from that hospital. I had to lie about him but he did not mind it at all.
I got to go now. She must be on her way to home. Rupert wants to see her today. I told him about her yesterday and I think he will like her.
Thanks for listening, stranger. You are a good person.
Benjamin.
Dear Henry,
Thank you for writing back to me. It took me a long time to reply because things have turned a bit ugly. This place seems more of a prison than a hospital. They switch off lights of my room at 9:30 PM even if I'm reading a book. The staff is too hostile towards me. Only Nancy is a good person. She is the one who gave me your letter when it arrived at my hostel.
Sorry, I am rambling a lot these days. Maybe because of the medication I am on. Let me start where I ended my last letter. Rupert and I left the hostel and hid behind the tree in the playground as I always used to. She came out of the school and started walking towards her home as every day. I pointed towards her direction to Rupert. I was grinning cheek to cheek. This always happens when I am happy.
We followed her down the road. I felt like I were a private detective which is funny because then I would be my own employer. I made a Sherlock joke to Rupert. He did not like it. I was telling everything about her to Rupert in a hushed tone. He was quiet the entire duration which was weird because Rupert never used to be silent. He is a chatterbox, has an opinion on everything. Many times I could not see him but his voice always used to be present. I noticed this but let it go because I was happy watching with her nod her head to the music she was listening to. I was lost in my thoughts when Rupert shouted
"Natalie!"She turned back, unplugged her iPod and looked at me. Her head was leaned towards right and eyebrows shrunken as if she was waiting for an explanation. I looked back but Rupert was gone. I began to walk towards her. I was so nervous. My legs were shaking and I am sure she'd have noticed my palms were sweating when we shook hands.
Natalie turned out to be the perfect company. She has a great taste in music. She likes poems just as I do. She volunteers in an orphanage on weekends. I was very comfortable all the time with her. We went to have lunch. We watched a movie, had dinner, and went to the park she usually visited. It was 2 AM but she said she did not want to go home. We were holding hands and gazing at the stars. She said she liked when I used to follow her. I smiled and looked at Rupert who was sitting on a bench far away, quiet as a stone.
At 2:15 Rupert whispered in my ear that he was feeling uneasy. I told Natalie I had to go to the loo and walked with Rupert to the other side of the park. I pulled out the needle from my pocket. He stopped my hand and said
"Not yours, hers."
I was furious at Rupert. I denied it straight away but he wouldn't listen. We began to quarrel. It must have been loud because Natalie came there. Her eyes widened at the sight of Rupert. She screamed while pointing towards him
"What is that thing?"
"He is Rupert Natalie. My friend." I said
"Demon" She whispered and took a step back.
Rupert floated towards her and began choking her. I ran to help her but he wouldn't let her go. She was going to die if I did not do anything to stop him. I took the needle and pierced Rupert's cheek. He screamed in agony as I held his hand and punctured his ring finger repeatedly. He fell down with a thud.
The next day I woke up in the hospital. A couple of police officers came to me and asked about the previous night. I told them everything. I could not hold back my tears. I asked them about Natalie. I wanted to know if she was fine. If she still liked me? I told them her address. There were bandages on my face and fingers. I was being transfused with blood.
The police officers came to me again in an hour but were rushed away by one of the doctors. The doctors moved me to a new ward. They asked me about Natalie and Rupert. I kept asking them if she was fine but they would not answer. My sister came to visit me. She also did not say anything about Natalie and left within an hour. Her eyes were red. I think she has been crying. Rupert always knew these things.
Everyone pretended as if Natalie and Rupert do not exist. Until one day Nancy came and told me that Natalie told her that she liked me and is waiting for me outside the hospital. But to be able to meet her, I would have to get out of here first. I am doing all she told me to do. People are beginning to like me now. I am sure I will be with Natalie by the next month.
Love,
Benjamin.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,816 Reviews
Hey there Rohan !!
This is Eros here again with another review !
Gosh. I am in love with your writings.
Beginning with the content first. The content was extremely beautiful, cool. I loved Rupert more than Benjamin lol. I love Rupert for his behavior. And love him JUST because of the violent. I like to read about more and more about such personalities, as I have a keen interest in psychology. That was the reason I loved Rupert. But I wanted to know why does he like blood dripping from the pinky finger... But you didn't explain it and it gave us a sort of freedom, and I like it that way too. It felt as if you are giving us a sketch and we are free to chose any color combination. It was indeed, the best thing hwre.
At first, I felt a little objection for the topic... Because the story was not "sweet"... You know, how can violence be sweet? But then, as I dived more into the story and started to think more about it, i felt that we can take it the other way too. Like... It is indeed very sweet of Benjamin and Natalie-- I think Ben has a crush on her? I am sorry, if I am wrong... I like the precise timing you have mentioned,
The next was again, very interesting for me, where you have described about Ben's roommate punching the wall after talking with that girlfriend that he has. It aroused a curiosity in me and again, we can imagine it the way we want.
I loved the whole piece, but ...man, who is Henry?
Please do explain me in the reply, or I will die out of curiosity... Lol.
I would not repeat about style of writing and choice of words, as it awesome as I said in previous reviews.
Thanks for sharing this creative piece of short story. I loved it from my heart. Very unique theme and a very creative idea.
Keep writing and we will keep reading and reviewing them!
Have a great day !
~Eros.
Hey Eros!
Glad that you liked it. I wrote this piece a long time ago for a competition. I wanted to keep the story as eerie and open-ended as possible.
Henry is the person Ben is writing to. The first letter is addressed to "stranger" and the second to Henry. What happened between the two letters is that Ben received a reply from the stranger and so now he knows his name. I think it doesn't come out as clear in the story as it seems in my head.
I was planning to extend this story further and also adding bits in the middle but my lazy bum and shitload of future fearing anxiety haven't permitted me to do so yet. Hope that changes.
Love,
Benjamin
Oh my God ...that was creative. Superb, man. Stranger is Henry. Lol I couldn't even think about it. It was so simple...lol
Hey rohan, it's me outvaders. On my search for sweet little stories to review, I just happened to bump into this sweet little story of yours. Let's get straight to it.
-I usually don't like letter-style stories like these, but the personality you put into Benjamin's writing justifies it. In the first paragraph, he sounds very formal and elaborate, much like a pedagogue. Then all throughout the first letter, he keeps up his very objective tone, stating facts in an unflinching manner, even if some of what he says is pretty nasty. It kinda clues in on how naive the guy is, and possibly society's relationship with him and vice versa. Pretty good characterization in this part.
-The main character is weird as hell, and I like it. I suppose it is his eccentricity that kept reading this short from being a bore. His naivety adds an air of mystery to this person and the story. He becomes even more intriguing when Rupert is introduced. Since Rupert is linked closely to Ben, important things about Rupert (like his invisibility to Ben's parents) makes Ben even more interesting in extension.
-I have to give props to Benjamin for having a motivation. Even though he might not be right in the head, he's still got some dreams that he reaches for. It's a nice little aspect of his character. Makes him feel more human.
-Now for the complaints. What exactly is Rupert? Is he a figment of imagination, or really a demon? Ben's mother couldn't see him, but for some reason, Natalie did.
-Also, who was Benjamin writing to in both letters? In the first, he might have been writing to himself, but I'm uncertain. In the second, he's writing to Henry, who seems to be close to him, but who is he? And in the second letter he conveniently picks up exactly where he left off in the first letter, even though the recipients of the two letters are different. Who are the recipients of the letters?
-The first time I read through the scene where Rupert was killed, I didn't feel as if the conflict of the story was resolved for good. I was a little confused when it ended because I thought there was more. Maybe it's how Benjamin narrated the scene that made me think that; he just narrated the scene in his usual tone. I think it would help make this add a sense of finality to this scene if you elaborated on it. You know, add more details, describe how Benjamin felt, etc. Doing that will communicate to the reader that this is an important part, and that they should take note of this.
-Here's the last complaint. Given what happened to her, how in the world is Natalie still willing to see Ben? I mean, she almost got killed by his demon friend, whose bloody death at the hands of Benjamin happened right in front of her eyes. Her action here is unnatural. The story's happy ending doesn't make sense. She should be a little more hesitant to meet the guy.
That's the end of my review. I'll give it my like, since it kept my intrigue 'til the end. It's either that or the stories I've read recently were so bland to me that anything that isn't so bad seems impressive in comparison. I don't really have that much time right now, so I'll have to sign off. Have a good day.
-outvaders
Hey! Thank you for your review. I was smiling throughout the time I was reading it.
Now answering to your complaints:
Rupert is his imagination, but that doesn't mean he cannot be an evil spirit/demon.
The second letter starts with thank you for writing back to me. Not mentioned here, but the stranger replied to the return address and thus Ben got his name.
Coming to the fact that nobody can see Rupert but Natalie can, did you notice Natalie doesn't meet anyone else other than Ben? Nobody responds to his query about her or Rupert.
I think you got this by now that she also lives in his imagination.
Now what do you think about Nancy?
I tried to give as little to the reader as possible. Maybe not a good practice but I loved writing it.
Here's how I interpreted it.
In the moments we see Natalie before her meeting with Ben, nothing out of the unusual happens. She hangs out in the park, which is totally normal. Sometimes we just want some peace and quiet, and that's fine. That's why I continued to see her as real. In contrast, that scene where Rupert isn't seen by his mother is totally unusual, and that's why I was able to catch on that he might not be real.
Also, it was implied that she has a relationship with the real world, and vice versa. In the third sentence of the sixth paragraph, it said that "everyone says she is rude." Here it sounded as if the real world perceives her as real, that the real world interacts with her, that she is connected with the real world and is therefore real. That's why I was convinced that she is real. On the opposite end of the pole, Rupert isn't connected to the real world, as shown by the scene where Ben's mother couldn't see him. That's why I was convinced that he wasn't real.
Also also, the only moment when we see Natalie in action was one brief scene when she was alone in the park. Of course she will meet no one else because she is alone. That is nothing unusual. So your point that she isn't real because she meets no one else is pretty dumb.
Dude, your hints ain't strong enough. But that don't matter no more. I think it's safe to say that I've moved on from this short story already. Have a good day.
Hah! Didn't think you'll be offended! Adieu, my friend!
Okay, so this is my first review. I'm just going to start before I start rambling awkwardly.
The beginning was great, I feel like it conveyed the fact that Benjamin is a little odd before the story actually starts to come together. The way that you wrote the letters, stating the facts and almost formal- it kind of reminded me of a book I read written from the perspective of someone who had a mental illness, and the style, in my opinion anyways, works. There weren't any grammatical or spelling errors that I noticed, so kudos on that. Honestly, there's just enough left out to give the readers an opportunity to form their own ideas about exactly what's going on. The fact that you left the details out doesn't detract from the story at all, in my opinion.
Okay, I'm done.
-MarianaChristena
Hey!
Thanks for the review. Yeah, I agree that "Perks of being a Wallflower" might have been running in my mind when I wrote this. Thus, tried the letter thing.
Hello there, rohan! Space Ghost here for a review. Without further ado, let's begin.
The Beginning Paragraph
I'll begin...with the beginning! There are some obvious facts that are spelled out for the reader in the introductory paragraph, such as the main character being human and male. This character makes it clear in their letter to the recipient he refers to as 'Stranger' that he's just the Average Joe. While I found this introduction to our main character to be a little gimmicky, his words in the first paragraph of his letter already say a lot about him.
Benjamin doesn't believe that he's very unique, and instead, he describes himself as a 'blank canvas'. What I dislike about this initial paragraph is that while Benjamin is telling the reader that he's nothing much, his attitude is ~quirky~ in that he refers to himself as 'human' and he's too good to have an actual personality. Instead, we get a robotic letter that seems unlikely that it would occur in this day and age. The first couple of paragraphs give me the impression that the MC has somehow been affected or wronged by someone, and that is what causes them to act or write in this manner, though that's just speculation.
The Characters
I have to be honest with you that, while this seems akin to a character-driven short story, there's a lack of character development throughout. I'd jest that it might be due to the fact that the 'story' is told in the form of a letter and we rarely get a real scene where interactions happen. The closest we get to this is the dialogue between Benjamin, Rupert, and Natalie, which I found could have been handled better. The execution of this confrontation is a little weak in the transitioning between the writing of the narrator and the dialogue.
The dialogue itself, with Natalie calling Rupert a demon and the actions of Rupert, end up being a little unrealistic. The suspense that you attempt to build up throughout the two letters falls apart at the end, all because there's a lack of time that we spend with these characters. If this were a series of letters that the main character sent and received, perhaps the ending would have been more effective.
The Plot
The plot, while simple and spelled out for the reader most of the time, is a little hard to follow. I'm unsure if Natalie and Rupert are real, or if they're figments of Benjamin's imagination. It seems that Benjamin is suffering some form of mental illness, yet there's never a confirmation throughout on the details. I'm hesitant to say that it seems as if you're attempting to write some form of psychosis or some other mental illness similar, but it's never clear.
I'm not sure if I'm a fan of this portrayal, since it's almost villainizing of the main character. While this may not be your intention, that is how I ended up perceiving Benjamin. The overarching plot of this short story would benefit with clarification as to who this 'stranger' is and why Benjamin is writing to them. Not only that, but the addition of scenes instead of the pure rhetoric of our main character would help in understanding the story.
Overall
Overall, I believe that this would be more effective if you fleshed out these characters over a series of letters rather than just two. Clarification on some level would be beneficial to understanding the story and theme that you're attempting to display. The message that this ends with is unclear and I'm afraid that a lack of research has made this portrayal ineffective, so I voice my concerns about what it is you're actually trying to say with this story.
And with that, I've done my duty in reviewing for now. I, Space Ghost, salute you, and offer you free response and conversation regarding my critique of your work! I wish to inspire your evaluation and analysis of the works of others and the improvement of your own writing, so I hope I have done that much.
Thanks for the review!
To answer your concerns, the characters Rupert and Natalie are indeed Ben's imagination. So is Nancy, the nurse. I wilfully mainatined the ambiguity so that the reader may think of the open ended story. Maybe that's why you thought it as villainizing of main character, while I look at him as a kid with serious problems that he just doesn't understand. Subtle hints are scattered throughout the letters for it.
As for why and whom Benjamin is writing to, I don't know. It's just someone right now.
And yeah, I agree that adding more letters to it will be better. I'll definitely do that once I get into the mood for that.