Young Writers Society

Rogerlddf, this is a nice poem; I liked how you ended it with title but in a different meaning of hope. There were few grammar mistakes and spelling errors (appreciate, their, ....) but other than that, it was pretty good. I liked how you used similes in your writing "Never taking time to appretiate thier surroundings
As if they were merely windows on a building" that was an interesting comparison. Good job, keep writing. Hurtado

ohmigosh :O ohmigosh :O ohmigosh :O like, welcome to YWS I hope you like like it here
Ummm, I'm gonna like review this! OK?
OHMIGOSH I LIKE, LOVE YOUR POEM! It's like TOTALLY AWESOME! It's like even cuter than a coati! and coatis are like SOOOO CUTE!
Ummm, like I've just got like, a few things to suggest. Ummm, I noticed two like spelling mistakes? So I'm just gonna like put them here so you can like ummmm... see what to do about them? :
appretiate- ummm that should be like appreciate
thier- that should be their (these are both in the first stanza )
uuuuuuuuuuummm, what was I saying? Oh yeah like spellings. Oh yeah like truly should be spelt truly not truely which is how you spelt it?
OK... Ummm I really loved most of this poem and the whole meaning in it and everything and I thought it was like TOTALLY AWESOME!
but there was like one verse which I wasn't sure about? :

Just another day overdue of change
But as we wait patiently
We must change things ourselves silently
Sponsoring progression and elavation
As if it was an add for a new playstation

This didn't like make complete sense, yuknow? and it wasn't like completely rhyming properly? But all the rest of the verses were like amazing. But this one verse felt a bit like I was ummm... eating socks. Can you imagine me like eating socks? I bet that makes you feel ummmm... what's the word? Oh yeah, it's like, schadenfreude. Especially if they're like really stinky socks! Ohmigosh that would be SOOOO gross...

"The day in which we are ALL truely free
And live in harmony
As if we all came from the same family tree
That day wont be,
Just another day "

I TOTALLY LOVE the triple rhyme at the end It's AWESOME!
Ummmm, I hope i've like, helped!

Hello Rogerlddf. WritingWolf here to review your work!

I like your theme. And I think I feel very similarly. Life just keeps repeating itself. So nice choice on that!

I see that Deliroast has already gotten most of your spelling errors, so I don't have to worry about those(I'm really not that great at spelling/grammar. I find I'm always repeating things.).

I can tell that this is a freehand poem. So it doesn't need a really strict rhyming scheme. But I do believe that even freehand poems have a sort of rhythm to them. I can sorta feel the rhythm in this piece. But there are places where it disappears, I believe this is due to word choices.
So I think the biggest thing you could improve on in this poem would be wording. But what you have here really isn't all that bad. Just could use a little improvement to make it flow a little better.

Other then that I really don't see much to say. I felt very moved by this piece, it really makes me want that day that wont be just another day. I think this was excellent. I really enjoyed reading this, and I hope to one day come across more of your work in need of reviewing.

But as for now, there are many other people with little to no reviews. So me and my review team will have to hurry and get to work!

~WW & the CreativiTea team.

I like this. I know we all feel like this sometimes, and I like how at the end you reminded us that we must bring the change ourselves, not wait for it to be wrought by some divine force. But the rhythm is a bit interrupted because the length of the lines is different. The punctuation is a bit off, too. And in the beginning, "appreciated" is spelled wrong.

Hello There.....
I like the poem but there is some issues with it. So I am here to help!! :/ I am pretty sure that you are aware of your spelling errors.....if you are not I will show them to you.

In stanza 1, "appreciate" and "their" were spelled wrong. Don't worry though I misspell appreciate all the time. Also in stanza one I would recommend a change in wording; "As if they were merely windows on a building" to "As if their bleak windows on a building". I know it is nothing major, just a recommendation.

In the second stanza it was beautifully written.....it REALLY grabbed my attention to the poem. However, here is another wording recommendation; "As if they had no company and were lonely" to As if they didn't have any company and were lonely". Also I would throw in a simile or metaphor right after to REALLY make them interested.

Third and fourth stanzas, I like that little rhyme you got going on there. Good stanzas, great way to end off a great poem!!

Basically, I would recommend some new wording and watch out for those spelling errors! They can be quite a hassle and can turn an EXTREMELY good piece into an okay piece.