I did not want to move to Windy hollow in the first place and now i am stuck in this mess. My name is Carl Johnson and this is a story about the craziest experience in my life. "I heard windy hollow is a great place" Mom said at the breakfast table about 2 weeks before we moved. "But what about all my friends!" i yelled. "Well you will just have to make knew ones honey".
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm...well the title appears to have been taking very literally there, cause it looks like this is only the very beginning to a first chapter that we've been given right here, with the rest appearing missing. But well, at any rate, the first paragraph of a first chapter is one of if not the most important parts of a story...so I'll take a crack at seeing how this one measures up here.
First thing I notice is that first line here isn't really all that connected to the second one, not to mention is a bit of dialogue, so basically this needs to be two separate paragraphs here, even though this is really short, it is not correct to leave these two tagged on together like this here.
Uhh...now the first line is interesting though, I will say that. It does manage to get your attention cause it looks like an indicator that our protagonist here is going through a bit of a tough time there, and in a point in life that they're not a very big fan of.
The second bits there suggest a somewhat turbulent relationship with the mother about it too...although you can't draw too much of a conclusion from that.
As a first paragraph this one is a bit of a weaker one than most, its interesting but at the same time also somewhat less unique and attention grabbing as it could be here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi, Robert, Donica here. I think that there is premise with this piece, and i like the fact that your story is called The beginning. But I agree with Dogs as it relates to the prologue and the piece having the resemblance of a plot. Like I say there is premise here. And I am looking forward to knowing the reasons why your character feels the way he does.
Keep on working!
Hey Robert! Dogs here with your review today. So as we can tell obviously this is probably more of a prologue in your book. The job of the prologue is suppose to draw the reader in so that they have to keep on reading, the prologue starts the reader off and keeps them going in some cases. So prologues should be vague but with enough information to keep the reader curious, this prologue is just really more plot line. Your prologue is too vague to really make the reader desperate to read more. So to improve this, I would suggest highly that you really explain more about the "craziest experience in my life" without giving it all away. Rick Riordan does an amazing job of this in the prologue of "The Red Pyramid" if you have read it. I highly suggest that you look over that and try doing a prologue like that kind of style.
Thats all I really have to say, this piece could use a little big of work but I do want to read the rest of your book. Please let me know when you post the next chapter in you book! Keep up the good work!!!
TuckEr EllsworTh