The hand of grief brushed my shoulder,
And fell down my back, tracing my spine.
Sadness whispers sweet nothings into my ear
As I sit, as I walk, as I sleep.
Melancholy pulls me close,
Wrapping me in its bittersweet embrace.
Misery presses its ice-cold lips against my forehead,
And runs its fingers through my hair
Despair lies next to me at night,
I feel its breath on my neck.
What I wouldn’t give to feel the embrace of joy,
To hear the voice of happiness,
To hold the hand of bliss.
But contentment is always out of reach,
Destined to be nothing other than a dream.
Though I’d rather feel the embrace of despair,
Than to feel the emptiness of feeling nothing.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey! I liked this a lot! Like Bolshevik said, the personificition is excellent!
You had a good equal amount of time on each of the emotions, but i cant help but want you to spend a little more time on each. You say what emotions you have, and what they do to you, but you dont state why you feel them, or how you feel them. I think doing that would make your piece extra spectacular.
All in all, great job though! i really enjoyed reading this - keep it up!
-PurpleHeart
I thought that the personification of all the different emotions had a great effect. Maybe capitalize them as well, Joy, Grief, ext.
1) Go deeper, everyone is always talking about that on this website and it is definitely true here, this is too short because it can definitely be much longer and that would make it effective
#FF0000 ">tell us how these emotions make you FEEL
"The hand of grief brushed my shoulder,
And fell down my back, tracing my spine."
you just move on to the next emotion, and we don't even no how you feel about grief---maybe you like grief, sometimes grief can be good
at the end you talk about how you want to feel joy, but why? What about joy, is it just because it is different from all these negative feelings?
That's basically it, maybe play with the structure a bit and expand and develope and BOOM this is a great poem.
Hope I have been helpful.
PS, why are you feeling these things, develop that as well, I know the narrator may just be having a bad day, then alude to that---this reads like a rough draft, and that means it is very promising in my opinion. I liked it alot. PEACE!