don't be touched by alarm
feel the bitter hands of my confusion
an intrusion that cuts through me
as much as it cuts through you
man, i feel like such a fool
denying what it takes to bleed
promise me we'll be fools in spite of contusion
and now, i hold you in my arms
i promise too
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139,414 Literary Works • 672,558 Reviews
The first and 2nd line really get to me because of my own trauma with loud noises and being betrayed by those who I loved and put endless amount of time into. These lyrics really cut deep to me, my only issue with these lyrics is that I wish it was longer. If I could give you any suggestions please focus on writing lyrics, because I would love to see what more comes from you. I showed this to close family friend and it looked like they were about to cry. (Srry for bad review first time)
this made me klobberize all over everything within a three mile radius of me. Thank you for the kind words, good sir.
I like this. It's full of emotion and feelings, I personally suck at writing songs so I think this is really really good. I do have one teeny tiny question however-
Is the word too referring to "as well" or "I promise to [blank]"
I'm just quite confused, it might have to do with the fact that I haven't seen the whole thing. But I really like this section. Keep up the great work!!
--Eli, the significant annoyance of this planet
This is really nice. I like all the internal rhymes and alliteration. It's really punchy, something that I could imagine working well as lyrics over some intense emotional folk piece, personally. I could imagine 'I promise too' leading into an instrumental breakdown. Maybe you could switch up the words you use now and again. The second time you say 'confusion', maybe it could be delusion – that sounds like the right kind of word to relate to the relationship you're describing. Plus 'bitter hands' sounds interesting but in practice I wonder if 'brittle hands' would make more sense.
Sounds like a good song! Keep working on it.