The Violin Bow

I believe this to be showing the power of a violin bow, because it can create music that expresses so many different emotions. It is interesting how you compare it to a sword because they are deadly weapons, and the emotion provoked in a listener can be deadly. The idea of battling with the violin is very interesting indeed.

I would say get rid of the "-----" and just replace it with a double space; lines annoy me. xD Clever Clogs explained formatting well.

I also think that the stanzas should be split a little differently, to closer lengths. To me, a change in the number of lines would reflect a change within the meaning of the poem, yet it is about the same thing the whole way through. It is not incorrect to do it how you did it, but it just doesn't make sense to me.

Overall, a great thinking behind the poem and you definitely have writing within you.

Hey there! Interesting poem you've got.

The first thing I would have to say is to break it up into stanzas. Cleverclogs already told you how to do that, though, so I'm not going to repeat that.

Overall, the rhythm is good. It flows nicely when read aloud. It feels a bit choppy in some places, and I think it's just because of the abrupt line breaks.

Also, I was slightly confused by the part where you compare the violin bow to the sword, but then go on a long part about how Ares guides your sword on the field of battle. This doesn't really fit even though Ares is the god of war, since you were just talking about a violin bow being your sword. You never really seem to return to the violin again, and that confuses me. I'm pretty sure there's supposed to be a metaphor comparing the power of music to the sword, but I'm not quite seeing it. The more I read it, the more I understand, but it took me a while to get it. It's a beautiful poem, but a bit obscure.

Also, I don't know who Eirene is, despite being fairly familiar with Greek mythology. However, that's my fault, not yours, so I'm not going to tell you to change that. Just keep in mind that a lot of people may not understand the significance of that.

Anyway, I hope this helped a little bit. I wish I knew how to fix it, but I'm not good enough of a poet to say. Good luck and keep writing!

Hello, rhane118! I really liked this poem, especially because I was considering playing the violin. Just a random question, and if you do not have time to respond, I will understand. Do you play the violin? If so, do you enjoy it? Sorry for a little bit of an off-topic question! Let's get back to reviewing:
This poem was outstanding. I love how you used Greek mythology to convey the power of the violin bow. It was an interesting take on such a simple thing, and such a cool analogy. This analogy gave the poem so much more of a vivacious feel to it, it was really neat to read (and I'm not exaggerating, this is great!).
For the most part, I knew the Greek figures, except Eirene was new to me. Learn new stuff everyday, huh? I also like how you made Eirene and Ares seem like they were at war-which in a way, they are, considering they are complete opposites.
Enough about the Greek, let's get to the roll of the poem. I really like how this was read, it made it seem like there was so much action happening all due to a violin bow. It would be really cool if everything in life could be portrayed with so much excitement (like homework)!
Overall, I really loved this poem. It convinced me even more to play the violin. There were no mistakes at all within this piece of writing, and you just earned yourself a follower!
Great job on writing such a beautiful poem!
~Prez. T

Hello there! cleverclogs here for a review day review!

This isn't really relevant to the review, but I'd just like to say that the title attracted me to this poem, since I'm a viola player and I love anything string-related. I'm curious, do you play the violin? If so, you're pretty awesome (although I love the viola more).

Now, on to the actual review. I love the metaphor of the tune being the battle. Although it's a bit unconventional, it works really well, especially the repetition of "my wooden sword, coarse with yellowed hair" (although if your bow hair is yellow, you should probably get your bow rehaired). XD The Greek theme also gives the poem a very ancient, epic feel.

Your poem would look so much better if you structured it. I understand that formatting poetry can be difficult on YWS, especially since you're so new here. Here's some pointers:

To get rid of the double spacing, hit the "shift" button along with the "enter" button whenever you're making a new line. Then it won't look so spaced out. Also, if you want to break this up into stanzas, add some sort of break (like ~~~ or ----) wherever you want to start a new stanza. Hopefully this makes it a lot prettier and easier to read.

Something else I didn't like was the way you broke up the lines. It didn't really have a pattern and made it feel choppy sometimes. I'd recommend changing that to make the flow seem more natural.

Overall, good tone, good vocabulary, and AWESOME extended metaphor, it just needs some formatting. 8/10 from me. Keep up the good work!