Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
Saudade
Prolog:
She stared down at his feet, afraid to look him in the eyes. 'How could he just kiss me like that' she thought. The kiss was a beautiful temptation, but she couldn't see that yet. The kiss would be something she longed for in the months to come. The kiss would be something she often looked back on. The kiss would last in her memories, forever stuck in a never-ending loop of loss. Now, she looks back on that kiss and regrets it. The story is long, but the basic summary of it all is this; She left, he waited. He loved, she hated. They became the best of friends. She loved, he hated. It is sure to become a never-ending loop of events. Love is painful. But if there is no pain then is it really love? She regrets taking his love for granted, she regrets rushing the moments she spent with him, and she regrets letting him go. Today, they still talk. As friends of course. She still loves him, but nothing will come of it. 'How could I let him go like that' she thought.
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139,503 Literary Works • 672,590 Reviews
Hey there, Kanome here with a review.
NITPICKS:
I must ask, are you spelling Prologue as Prolog on purpose? If so, then that's amazing xD
Anyways, the only things I can point out is this:
Just add a question mark, like this:
'How could he just kiss me like that?' she thought.
Just add a question mark, like this:
How could I let him go like that?' she thought.
IMPROVEMENTS:
Since this is a prologue, I admit, this is a bit short, but there's no need for improvement especially for a prologue.
OVERALL:
This is a great start of a story. It peaks the curiosity of your readers. I love the repetitiveness in the prologue also, it shows a lot emotion and builds it up along the way until the end. I hope you continue this story because I would love to read more of your work. Keep it up. Can't wait for the next chapter update. Keep writing!
Hello!
The beginning was really strong, I thought; there was a lot of mystery and wonder of what was going on and why she didn't want him to kiss her like 'that', and what exactly about the kiss was the 'like that' part. I was really ramped up for a romantic, heart-throbbing story!
Then you switch to present tense in this line:
I can see why you switched to present tense, but I don't think it works in this. You can still be in past tense and be more "but at this time, she felt __". Switching tenses breaks up the flow and usually seems like an accident- because normally it is! (and maybe it was in this case too, but I got the impression you were trying out something c: which is really good to do and I applaud you for doing so!). You should see all the times I switch tenses in my works by accident. O.O It's crazy.
The other thing that happens is suddenly, the story feels rushed- we're getting told exactly what happens and how the characters feel in the future blatantly. The fourth wall between narrator and reader was pretty much broken down, and what I mean by that is the narrator almost just confessed that he/she/they were a narrator and mentioned the story and the audience and everything. Which, some stories can pull off- these are usually comedies though. I don't think a dramatic/realistic/romantic(?) story fits the types of stories that something like that would work with. And it really just felt rushed with this, and odd- like suddenly the storyteller was running out of time to tell the story. Like we started out thinking we were going to sit down and read a novel but then the story teller didn't have enough time, and condensed into a flash fiction for us. My advice is try to show us what happens in the story, rather than outright say it. I think we get excited while writing prologues sometimes, and we think that we can give the whole concept of the story in one go, and info dump and that that will hook the reader- but it really sadly doesn't.
Also, now that we know how the characters feel and how they feel in the future and what happens... what is there to bring us back for chapter one? A prologue is meant to give the reader a taste or a vague insight into a novel- essentially, it's supposed to tell the reader what's in store if they continue reading the novel- but it does this by leaving the readers with a TON of questions that they need answered. How do you think you can make it so this prologue makes the reader question and want to know the answers to those questions? Give us a reason to come back!
Other than that, lovely job! Best wishes with your novel! c:
-Socks