Published February 18, 2011
Time to seal away this book of stones.
Of old memories,
& Unforgettable times.
Time to forget that I loved & I lost.
That time can't erase the forehead kisses
The intertwine of our fingers.
Or the weight of your breath on my skin.
Time to wash away this smeared eye liner.
Smudged and dark.
From the tears that dripped
& The words you said
That you will never take back.
Time to let go of
The teddy bears
You got me for valentines day
The smile I wore on our anniversary.
Time I tell you
Why I did what I did.
Why I chose to love another
& Why your eyes still haunt me
even now that your gone.
Time to say I'm sorry,
So I wrote it all down
On this open skin
So I can look back,
So I can forget,
So they will forever be washed away.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hey there, nice poem.
It was generally good, but I'll nitpick.
Don't capitalize 'u' for 'Unforgettable'. I'd suggest writing it like this:
Time to seal away this book of stones,
of old memories,
and unforgettable times.
How 'bout:
Time to forget that I've loved and lost.
or
Time to forget what I've loved and lost.
I'd put in commas, so it'd be:
That time can't erase the forehead kisses,
the intertwine of our fingers,
or the weight of your breath on my skin.
Unnecessary capitalization for 'The' in the fourth stanza. 'Valentine's Day' is in capital letters, because it's an event.
Time to wash away this smeared eye liner,
smudged and dark from the tears that dripped,
and the words you said,
that you will never take back.
Time to let go of the teddy bears
you got me for Valentine's Day,
the smile I wore on our anniversary.
Capitalization for 'Why', spelling and '&'.
Time I tell you
why I did what I did.
Why I chose to love another,
and why your eyes still haunt me,
even now that you're gone.
Good ending.
I have a mental image of the girl staring at herself in the bathroom mirror, looking miserable.
Keep writing!
I thought this was good, just a few little things.
Anyway, little things like that. Otherwise, I thought this was a really sweet poem. I don't have much to review on context or anything; I think if you really wanted to you could expand this into something even deeper, but to me this felt really meaningful.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver