Published May 5, 2011
If love had eyes it wouldnt look twice at you.
It's flame would seep straight through your core,
love would fish out your soul with it's wittiful words and soft comforting voice.
You would fallinto the trap of the unknown, not realizing the outcome would destroy you
from the inside out.
Leaving only a broken heart as evidence of your fatal destruction.
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141,482 Literary Works • 674,515 Reviews
Hi there, rememberme! Solvy here to review! Nice poem, I think is good. Now, this review is going to be the other way round.
NITPICKS FIRST!
There should be a comma after "eyes". And you forgot the apostrophe in "wouldn't". I would write, "It wouldn't look at you twice" for the poem to flow better.
Its'... the apotrophe is supposed to go after the "s".
Same as before.
I'm guessing there should be a space between "fall" and "into".
Now, the way you organize it's a little... weird. I would write it like this:
If love had eyes,
it wouldn't look you twice.
Its' flame would seep straight through your core.
Love would fish out your soul with its' wittiful words,
and soft comforting voice.
You would fall into the trap of the unknown,
not realizing the outcome would destroy you-
from the inside out.
Leaving only a broken heart-
as evidence of your fatal destruction.
Overall, you did a great job!
~Solvy <3
Wow, great poem! You managed to capture so much emotion in such a short piece.
Here are my suggestions and comments:
Overall, this is a great poem! I really enjoyed reading it