By: Regina Rendon
One year later, in the same bench we meet
I was hoping for your return.
To the place where you first felt my love.
And the day came, but your call didn’t.
And the wind touched my face, but your lips didn’t.
And the memories came, but yours didn’t.
Sitting there, I was wondering.
Wondering if it was my fault.
My fault that they came, but you didn’t.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
This is really good. there are a few mistakes well one or two. In the first line you should change meet to met. I don't think you should start a sentence with and. it just doesn't sound right, but this poem is good. I feel like its me, but its not. you have really good writing skills. Is this your first poem you ever wrote? because if it is Good job. Keep up the good work.
It's perfect!!!!!
Heyy..
Okay so in the first line, "One year later, in the same bench we meet." I think it should be, "One year later, on the same bench we met."
And then, "And the memories came, but yours didn't." Did it mean that his memories didn't come, I quite didn't understand.
"My fault that they came, but you didn't." It doesn't actually fit in, like I understand the whole thing, but you could've changed the lines. The way you've written it, it makes two meanings, and maybe it'd be a problem.
Anyways, I liked it overall
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xoxo
Review time!
Hey there. Lyrical Rebel here. So...first I would like to commend you for doing a wonderful job. This is a sad poem but it feels overwhelming when you can read such wonderful emotions within a few words.
I only noticed a few errors in your work. First, change the word "meet" to met because you are describing the bench through a past action.
Next, in the first line, use "on" instead of "in".
" I was hoping for your return.
To the place where you first felt my love."
I think you should remove the period on the first line because if they are separated they would look like fragments of a sentence. Actually, you have committed this mistake a few more times in the poem since you use "And" as a sentence's first word and sentences don't really start with "And" because the idea of the sentence would be loose.
Overall, the message of this poem is magnificent. Keep up the good work.
Hey, yo, reginarendonn! Strange here and I have a review for you!
First of all, remove your name from the poem and your overall profile since the internet is a crazy and wild place. People can track you down, so that's why I advise it.
I honestly didn't feel anything special going on in this poem. The romance genre is a hard one to capitalize, since it all runs on the same themes. This one is talking about betrayal and heartbreak, which is very common in romance. Sadly, this poem does nothing to break its barriers. Let me start off:
A technical criticism is that it should be On, not In. How could people fit in benches? I am not sure. The main problem I had with this is that it starts in the middle of something. There was no explanation of what happened before. Yes, it may be blatantly obvious but sometimes, to be effective, explanation is needed.
You also did something odd:
Remove the period on the first line. What I am going to point out, is that it's like the narrator is speaking. It feels honest, and very vulnerable, which is a great value. It wasn't enough though, as this followed the same guidelines, which made it fall flat.
Overall, there were some values that made this feel special. However, it was shadowed by the simple techniques used in other poems (Oh, why won't they come? Why must my heart break? Why must you leave?) and it didn't work for me. Remember, keep writing, as this has a lot of potential.
Keep writing and stay groovy!
Hello there,
I thought that this was a nice buts sad poem. It was very good, but I think that you didn't need to put a period after every single line. During the three lines that start with 'And', you could just end with commas (or nothing at all, if you wanted. That would work nicely as well.). Also, if the narrator was merely "hoping for your return", then why was he/she so disappointed if his/her love never showed up? I understand that it was a special place, but maybe specify that the two had previously arranged to meet up there. That would also explain the call, because he/she didn't call to say that he/she couldn't make it.
Just some suggestions! Overall, I really enjoyed this poem, short as it is. Good work.
-Falconer
This was a very sad and beautiful poem. Short and sweet. Well, bittersweet. There was just a couple small (easily fixable) errors I noticed.
"One year later, in the same bench we meet
I was hoping for your return."
The word meet should be changed to met, because you are speaking of something that has happened in the past. One year ago they met at that bench. Also, I think you should put a comma at the end of your first line. I naturally paused when I got to that part, and I think it would add dramatic effect. Without a pause there, those two lines seemed a little rushed.
Other than that, your poem was spot on. I especially liked your last two lines.
"Wondering if it was my fault.
My fault that they came, but you didn’t."
They packed a powerful punch. While I enjoyed your poem, I think that maybe you could have made it a little longer. A place that I thought could possible use some elaboration is the part that says, "And the day came," What day is the narrator talking about. Why does she expect her lost love to call her on this certain day? Why does she expect him to return to this bench? Still, great job. I can't wait to read more from you. Keep writing!