Loving you is like a pain being blanketed in red
With velvet sighs and silk verses it tangles and enthralls me
Loving you is a sin so deadly it
Punctures and paralyzes me with poisonous poise
In the depth of the Black moon that dances around the
Loveless White Venus cripples me
My soul is worn weary
Rattling on my hearts loving scorn as you hinge
Blister and quake once more saying drearily
How can a heart so big hold a loveless loves thorn?
How can a warm embrace end with a painful agonizing wrong?
With a sharp tongue and even sharper touch
I am seduced by the grey rune which mystifies the holders eyes
And ravens roar at the first glance
As our eclipse begins its morning trance.
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
I love it!
Great use of alliteration and personification there.
It may just be a missing apostrophe but some of the lines don't make much sense to me
WOW
I am a sucker for descriptive language.
I am definitely your FAN.
I love it.
I could absolutely HEAR a soft velvety voice read the words to me. painting a picture in my mind.
I love the: How can a heart so big, hold a loveless thorn?
I am not an expert on commas and dots, but I think you need some in there.
I always forget about commas, so I imagine that someone is reading to me. And all the pauses... Just try and imagine that.
Hope this was constructive criticism...
=)